Archives for posts with tag: postaweek2012

For all our sophisticated technology and intricate systems of thought, there is nothing so simple and so effective as the truth.  The truth is pure enough that it holds true through the test of time and space, and sometimes, all it takes it the truth ‘to set us free’ as trite as it sounds, it is a cliche for a reason because it holds water.

Closure is essential when we conclude a relationship and wish to move on and as many external ways there is to cope with a break-up, there is only one essential ingredient to internally coping with it and it is being honest with oneself and the other about what has transpired and what can and cannot be mended, brushing off the dust, and moving forward.

There are many stop-gap measures to artificially mimic closure which includes jumping into a rebound relationship, badmouthing one’s ex, pretending that the ex or the relationship never existed, or avoiding meeting the ex or anything having to do with the ex for as long as possible. True closure involves being able to encounter the ex (whether online or in person) without ill feelings.

It is a pity that the worst break-ups which need the dose of the truth are often the ones which are not afforded the much needed post-break-up decompression discussion between both parties after a reasonable period of introspection and separation which allows both people to lick their own wounds and consider contact again.

Often when exes meet up they are compelled to show a brave face to each other and keep up the false front of nonchalance and feign smiles to show that they are fine and everything is back to normal.  Perhaps there is the intention of being in good terms with the ex, but intentions are often not enough.  It is this artificial sweetness piled up on top of damage that causes the situation to continue to be unresolved.

However, we are masters of escapism, what with so many distractions abound, we think that we can distract ourselves away from the fundamentals of relationships and human interaction where the truth counts for more than all the elaborate speeches and twisted mind games we can come up with.  Granted, the truth is not usually pretty, which is why we would love to cover it up with frills and flowers for as long as possible, but at a price.

Sharing our truths with an ex is not an excuse to attack or bash the other person.  If one is still angry, resentful, or hurt enough to be incapable of genuine goodwill in interacting with one’s ex to seek closure, then one should stay away.  However, when one is mature enough to realize that many a relationship’s demise requires a decompression period and a summary discussion which allows for genuine closure, healing, and freedom, it can be the time to step forward and share one’s truth with the other with no expectations of redemption or vindication, as much as one is tempted to have such.

Break-ups are complicated and both parties cannot be expected to be in the same mind space and our responsibility should only be to ourselves, to speak our truths with love and respect for the other person’s feelings, and when we have done so, irrespective of whether the other person responds or not, we must back off and live our own lives to the best of our ability.

We must remember that we cannot be in control of another’s response or reaction; however, we are in control of and responsible for our own actions and reactions. Telling our truth is never simple nor is it easy but it has value to our well-being.

(c) Niconica 2012

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I was looking for books about the afterlife, death, and grieving and somewhere along the way, Journey of Souls popped up and I was intrigued. I had been starting to think that there were not many books which would really capture my fancy already in this genre and this book is a cross between afterlife and past life topics.

The format of this book included narration and transcripts and for some reason, it works; similar to how it works for Dolores Cannon books. I’m not sure why it didn’t work as seamlessly with Miracles Happen by Brian Weiss, which is nonetheless a good read.

I have been rather captured by the metaphysical genre for a while now and the knowledge shared by authors such as Michael Newton, Ph.d. in the form of information gathered through hypnotherapy combines research with storytelling which works with topics which discuss past lives, life in between lives, the afterlife, death, dimensions, parallel lives, the soul, guides, and alternate realities.

I rather wonder why I have not come across Journey of Souls before, and I recommend it to anyone who is open and curious about reincarnation and our lives as souls in between lives.  Packed with a lot of Newton’s case studies, it is informative, entertaining, and insightful. (It almost tempts me to learn hypnotherapy myself.)

(c) Niconica 2012

 

ImageThis book contains a hefty amount of stories which fill our soul with wonder about the possibilities which are not immediately apparent and give us a sense that, as per the title, miracles indeed do happen.  I like the fact that this book contains a lot of stories–more than the average–and give us the Dr. Brian Weiss stories we enjoy learning and hearing about, I just wish that the format was more similar to his previous books instead of the current format which contains article type inserts in the form of letters from the readers.  I theoretically understand how having the letters of his readers/student/followers in the book would add a personal touch to it however, for some strange reason, I prefer it to be in the format where Dr. Weiss relates the stories to us from his point of view similar to Through Time into Healing or Many Lives, Many Masters.  This is, of course, just a matter of preference in terms of formatting and does not in any way detract from the content and substance of the book which I could barely put down.  I always enjoy books by Brian Weiss and look forward to more hefty volumes such as Miracles Happen which is filled with rich personal experiences and information.

(c) Niconica 2012

Yes, there is such a thing and it does not only strike those who want to play the field but also those who have been hurt before to the point where being in another relationship and finding oneself immensely vulnerable is painful and unthinkable despite efforts towards the contrary.

Everyone wants to love and be loved and commitmentphobic people are not immune to this, they are just unable to commit for whatever reason and it takes a lot of work to address this issue though it starts with the person admitting that they have this condition and honestly acknowledging the symptoms of commitmentphobia as evidenced in their interactions with people.

The next step would involve delving into the deeper reasons for the existence of fear of commitment and this is where it gets tricky because our minds do play tricks on us and as we are geared towards self-preservation, there is every reason why our instinct would be to keep ourselves safe through maintaining the fear of commitment.

We then would have to decide whether we are indeed ready to grapple with this tendency of ours and finally how to go about it. The method for trying to overcome our fear of commitment is not a simple one since we wouldn’t be able to let go of an ingrained habit in one fell swoop, as much as we want to.

There is a reason why we have the commitmentphobia and it is in place as a defensive mechanism and it has been serving its purpose to keep us safe and it is counterintuitive to want to take risks and venture forth into the emotional jungle again at the risk of once again being mauled by unfortunate psychological experiences.

Commitmentphobic people get bad press because of the inveterate players who exist and wreak havoc on the emotional wellbeing of their victims as they selfishly feed their appetites and this is why the other facet of commitmentphobia goes unnoticed–the victims of unfortunate romantic experiences who have built an effective fortress around themselves to avoid experiencing the intense pain they have experienced before while at the same time perhaps missing the rich experiences having a fulfilling emotional life brings because it entails risk and stepping out of the safe and familiar confines of their safe haven.

(c) Niconica 2012

Sometimes we find redemption in the most unlikely places–a facet of our life where we had let go of because we had lost hope of it ever improving. It is precisely when we are not looking for it that redemption finds us and catches us unaware–and we realise that the redemption we are looking for we don’t need it anymore. That’s the irony of it all–it comes at a time when we have outgrown it and while we appreciate it appearing in our lives, we are able to view it from a more balanced and detached perspective and we realise that perhaps the most needed redeeming was our own redeeming and forgiving of ourselves and after that, everything else becomes peripheral. The moment we accept that we cannot be responsible for nor control other people’s actions and words and that the only thoughts, deeds, and words we are responsible for are our own and that it must be directed towards a positive end… We have started on the path of our self-redemption and this might be one of the more crucial paths of all…

(c) Niconica 2012

Learn Chinese with the iPhone Chinese Phonetics App

Learn how to pronounce Chinese consonants and vowels through the iPhone Chinese Phonetics App. It has both the traditional Chinese ‘alphabet’ as well as the modern westernized Chinese ‘alphabet’ accompanied by an audio of how each letter is pronounced. It also provides the different tones coupled by the different applicable syllables with the audio output of how each syllable is supposed to sound.

It’s a very functional app packed with a lot of content–all the basics for Mandarin Chinese phonetics. There is an interesting section called “Practice Exercises” in the app where you may listen to the word, then record your answer, and playback your answer to be able to compare it to the original audio of the word to see if you got it right.

If only there were these apps available when I was growing up and learning the fundamentals of pronouncing and speaking Chinese.

(c) Niconica 2012

Going vegetarian is definitely not without its challenges. It has been my aspiration to turn vegetarian for around a decade already and apart from giving up consumption of certain meats gradually, I had not made the big leap until recently and even then I initially had second thoughts as to whether I would be able to make the commitment to continue being vegetarian.

In my case, motivation was key. It was essential that I have the right motivation in being vegetarian, otherwise there would be a very real probability that I would succumb to my old habits of consuming my favorite foods which include meat. There were psychological withdrawal symptoms in the first few weeks and I almost thought that I would not be able to make the shift.

It was very difficult to outgrow the habit of craving for my favorite dishes in my favorite restaurants. This was compounded by the fact that there were very few restaurants which carried vegetarian dishes in their menu except for a few nominal salads or sautéed vegetables–hardly enough to make vegetarianism appealing. This took some joy out of socializing or eating out since there would often be not enough vegetarian options, much less appealing ones on the menu.

On the home front, it took a bit of adjusting but it was easier to make the personal switch in one’s grocery buying habits and eating options than when one goes out for meetings and/or socializing and come across the sad fact that one may not be frequenting one’s favorite restaurant anymore because they don’t have a decent selection of vegetarian dishes. It can be quite frustrating to realize that the vegetarian segment of the population is often overlooked or disregarded when people open their restaurants and plan their menus.

This, of course, leads to some shuffling about of restaurant options when dining with friends. It would be so much easier if there were more vegetarian friendly restaurants and not necessarily just pure vegetarian restaurants because when dining with family and friends, different diets would have to be considered and it would be good if regular restaurants would take vegetarians into consideration so that dining with non-vegetarian friends, family, and colleagues would be even more enjoyable.

It’s lovely to discover pure vegetarian restaurants too here and there because they have a more extensive or comprehensive selection of items to sample.

I feel qualitatively lighter (not necessarily equating to body weight) since I’ve turned vegetarian and I’ve continued including vitamins and good supplements in my daily intake to be able to make sure that The essential vitamins and minerals my body requires will be complete. I am mindful that being vegetarian is not as simple as giving up eating meat, it has to be done in a nutritionally acceptable manner so that we maintain and improve our health.

I’m still in the adjustment period of my new vegetarian lifestyle and I’m still reading up on it and learning more about it. In order to keep up with my commitment to be vegetarian, I am still constantly renewing my motivation which includes compassion for all living beings and not wanting to consume their flesh which carries residual traces of their energy.

Having said this, I would have to admit that I do still sometimes get tempted by the smell or even the thoughts of my old favorite dishes which I am not able to partake of anymore. I am not immune to remembering delicious smells and tastes from the past. I do realize that this new chapter simply indicates that it’s perhaps time that I discover and develop new favorite dishes and restaurants. I’m not partial to change so it won’t be a walk in the park but I’m looking forward this new adventure and discovering vegetarian or vegetarian friendly restaurants/institutions/establishments.

I am quite pleased to have finally become vegetarian, after years of aspiring and attempting to do so. Being able to meet all the body’s nutritional needs notwithstanding, I am also curious as to how being vegetarian would affect me qualitatively.

May the new chapter begin.

(c) Niconica 2012

We get to a certain point in our lives where we have been emotionally damaged to a certain degree where we become incredibly cautious simply because we do not wish to expose our vulnerabilities. It protects us to a certain extent and then this emotional armour starts becoming counterproductive because we start living a halflife trying to minimise our pain and our losses and we don’t really allow ourselves to risk opening up and seeing what possibilities may be in store.

We are sometimes so used to coping and protecting the remnants of our emotional selves and we start to think that we are okay and we are well. We defend ourselves against additional onslaughts of possibly hurtful situations that we forget that we have not done any inner work with the parts which need healing. We are so invested in guarding our vulnerabilities that we forget to recognise, acknowledge, and face our vulnerabilities and work to overcome them.

There comes a certain point where we get so caught up with the upkeep of our emotional defenses that we start to believe that we don’t need love or emotional connection because we don’t want to ever be in the position to be hurt again. When the opportunity comes along to get to know someone better, we go on auto-pilot and run from the situation thinking that we are better off without such distractions. This denial which springs from our vulnerabilities can be harmful to our growth because we eventually wonder whether we are merely being careful or are we too careful that we lose out on experiences.

There is no easy answer for what to do next or how to recover from past emotional traumas and how to move forward. It cannot be denied that exposing ourselves to more people and experiences increases our chances of being hurt and therefore more damaged than the status quo.

However, without taking a step forward headlong into a reckless path and without moving back into the refuge of our intricate psychological defense mechanisms, now would be the perfect time to contemplate about the nature and presence of our vulnerabilities and look at our denials straight in the eye. Which vulnerability is our vehement and angry denials protecting and why are we acting this way? Is it relevant to our psychological journey at this point in time or is it outdated? This is where as begin.

(c) Niconica 2012

Chronic misunderstandings within a relationship be it a friendship or a romantic relationship can be a symptom of an underlying incompatibility and it must be taken seriously.

During the first few manifestations of discord, we must pay attention to our communication styles and try to achieve some sort of understanding of the other person and the matter at hand and work towards an amicable resolution.

During the next few times arguments or misunderstandings occur, we must still seek to understand the other person’s perspective and examine whether we have neglected to see their point of view and endeavor to achieve harmony.

However, when it has been going on far too long and far too often, it’s time to realize that there might be some fundamental incompatibility present which gives rise to differences which are not necessarily irreconcilable but difficult to reconcile.

It might be at this point when we have to seriously ask ourselves whether prolonging the relationship would cause more mutual harm than just detaching and letting go.

Sometimes it’s not because we don’t care about the person but it is precisely because we do care about them as well as ourselves that we decide to minimize harm and walk away.

(c) Niconica 2012

Every once in a while we meet a personage so great and so inspiring that it makes us examine our lives and if we are lucky we realize how frivolous we are and we reflect on our personal accountability to the well-being of the world at large.

It shouldn’t be simply myopically about ourselves and our selfish and trivial wants and needs. If we really want our lives to mean something then we have to make it matter through taking steps to be able to benefit all the beings populating our world.

We are accountable to our fellow human beings with how we use our mind because every single thought we harbor affects the fabric of reality and contributes to increasing positivity or negativity in the world. And when these energies increase we reach a critical mass, the results manifest consistently with the nature of what as been accumulated. Positivity produces miracles and blessings while negativity produces disasters and catastrophe.

Every single thought repeated in one’s mind repeatedly and habitually crystallizes and affects the quality of our mind and consequently the quality of our mind affects our words and actions and our words and actions can make or break another person’s feelings and the chain reaction continues until if affects more and more people and eventually the world at large.

We must hold ourselves accountable for what we produce with our body, speech, and mind because they matter and our faculties should not be employed recklessly without concern because we are all accountable to what happens to the world and it is beyond simply surviving and achieving temporary rewards.

(c) Niconica 2012