Archives for posts with tag: postaweek 2011

When we start off a relationship all starry-eyed, we would like to think that there would be no such thing us a breaking point. However, as with anything in life–the end is embedded in the beginning because nothing lasts forever.

It’s just a matter of whether the end would be now or later, good or bad, simple or complicated, and so forth. It can be said that when we start the conflict stage of our relationship that if we don’t handle it well, it would eventually reach the breaking point and it would be hard to turn back because we can’t unsay things which have been said or undo things which have been done.

We don’t usually plan on matters escalating to this point and it’s often a surprise to us when it gets there. Of course, a third person might be able to offer a better perspective and if only we had a nickel for every time a friend confides in us that they saw it coming a mile ahead. When we are the ones involved, we usually never see it coming.

By the time we get to the breaking point of the relationship, it’s might be too late to neutralise it especially when it creeps up on us. Of course, we will still attempt to either neutralise it or escalate the conflict so that we ‘win’ but both approaches don’t result in favourable outcomes simply because of the stage the situation is in–too many things have been said or done and too many things have happened for it to be any other way and thus too much damage has been done for it to be overlooked.

Trust often has been broken and it’s hard to pick up the pieces… It’s hard to continue and think that the person would not fall into the same pattern of behaviour which they have displayed which is a manifestation of who they really are in the course of a relationship. It’s almost too much to ask a person to change completely and not be who they are just for the sake on making things okay.

If we are lucky, we get to salvage some form of friendship or civility when we get to the breaking point. Most of the time though, we are just shattered and nothing can be redeemed from the aftermath of the relationship and it’s just how it is and we must learn to cope, heal, and move on and live to love another day, hopefully, without repeating the same mistakes.

(c) Niconica 2012

Popular literature and culture promote shopping as a therapy–perhaps as a joke but perhaps because it’s also true in a sense that when we are stressed–shopping does make us feel better.

I am stressed but my shopping therapy did not include any clothes or shoes or any fashion items–it included a lot of books. I scoured three Book Sale branches here in the Metro to look for precious finds.

The first branch I visited yielded only one book, but the second and the third proved to be much better in terms of good finds.  The third branch of Book Sale most especially gave me a feeling of satisfaction which I can’t explain.

After all, it doesn’t mean that purchasing these books causes the issues which I have to deal with to go away, but somehow it served as both a welcome distraction and an exciting adventure which only an unread but interesting book provides.

(c) Niconica 2011*

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What do we do with the broken pieces of our relationships? Is there any chance of assembling them back together into something coherent or workable? I’ve recently had the excruciating experience of trying to work through issues with someone and it ended up pretty much the way it started–proverbially still shattered and in a thousand pieces, if not even worse.

I have a few guesses as to why the issues were not resolved–and it is not because they couldn’t be resolved, but it was because our own personal issues were in the way and we were not on the same page. On the surface, we both agreed that perhaps it was time to have “the talk” and try to work through or discuss what had been troubling us, but when it came down to it, one of us didn’t mean it and/or wasn’t ready to be honest about the issues or be on the same page.

When this happens, instead of kneeling down on the ground and helping each other pick up the pieces, we end up cutting ourselves when we are not careful or using one of the loose shards as either a destructive weapon or as an object for self-defense.  There were too many factors which contributed to the failure of the crucial and very difficult conversation–among which are pride, ego, dishonesty, a lack of trust and openness.

Whatever went wrong, the broken pieces still lie there without being swept up or tidied… and it is very painful to not be able to reach an agreement with someone about how to fix a relationship when someone is not ready to be upfront about crucial issues or even the premise of the discussion.  If the basis of the discussion is denied, then anything that ensues after that becomes moot.

So, here I am with the broken pieces and unsure of how to proceed. It can be said that we should recognize a lost cause when we see one, but on the other hand, it can also be said that perhaps with a little bit more discussion and determination, an agreement can be reached… Who knows, but perhaps when there is an impasse, it’s best to pause and regroup and see it how it goes before reentering the “discussion” as it were; lest it feel more like a battlefield.

(c) Niconica 2011*

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One of the hardest things about being in high school aside from the emotional instability brought upon by raging hormones and going through unfamiliar territory in discovering who we are is finding a sense of belonging.

It’s definitely not a good sign when one feel likes one belongs in a fictional world as opposed to the real world and in a sense, that’s what what books have been to me–and in particular the Sweet Valley series–a safe haven during the tumultuous coming-of-age period.

Now that we look back, we can easily categorize movies, TV series, or books into genres such as the coming-of-age novel or film which appeals to our sense of nostalgia, sentimentality, or escapism. Watching a coming-of-age novel is a vicarious thrill since it has all the excitement and the pain at a safe distance, without having to go through “all that” all over again.

If we were to be honest (and if we are one of those popular golden people in high school) coming of age is often a bittersweet experience and tends towards more bitterness than sweetness and we would not wish to go through all of that fear, uncertainty, and chaos once again–unless of course, we were one of the so-called ‘In’ crowd.

For remarkably average people like ourselves who did not have everything that we encounter turn into gold during our teenage years, the awkwardness and the confusion would be too much to go through again and there is some solace in being an adult safely a decade or more away from those gawky years.

If we think about it, we all just wanted to fit in, to be accepted, and to belong way back then but then again, as we can say now from a safe distance, ‘Kids can be so cruel.’ Hardly anyone leaves high school unscarred–except for the top 2% who probably inflicted all the scarring and the other 1% who are just plain lucky.

We did not have mobile phones, laptops, or internet back then, but it would be safe to say that coming of age does not get any easier in this era of Facebook, Twitter, SMS and Instant messaging.  Suffice to say, it probably makes it more complicated.

Coming of age is probably one of the most universally difficult experiences which transcend culture and country.

At the core of it is the need for a sense of community and we can only hope that with all the cutting edge technologies invented by science, that there would be some way to be able to–at the most basic level–enhance and aid the fragile and unstable psyches of our adolescents if only to make the transition from being a child to a “grown-up” (whatever that means) easier…

In doing so, we can eventually be a step closer to making the world a better place.

(c) Niconica 2011*

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Before Young Adult literature was filled with stories about vampires, werewolves, and fairies, there was the Sweet Valley series and I am one among many in a whole generation of women who grew up with the Wakefield Twins and their friends.

Jessica and Elizabeth are practically our old friends and encountering Sweet Valley Confidential was definitely a very pleasant surprise.  It’s like running across some very old and dear friends and catching up with them ten years later to see how things have gone.

I am definitely very pleased that Francine Pascal decided to write Sweet Valley confidential.  I had been addicted to Sweet Valley High and Sweet Valley Twins books for years as I was growing up and I would actually consider them to be an integral part of my childhood–along with the Nancy Drew series.

Reading Sweet Valley, Sweet Dreams and Nancy Drew books is practically a right of passage.  I read Sweet Valley Confidential with nostalgia–and in one sitting.  I could not put the book down and savored every single word and delighted in the experience of coming in touch once again with a part of my youth.

I have to admit I was not too much of a fan of the Sweet Valley TV series–it did not seem to do justice to the scope and depth of the books.  However, after reading Sweet Valley Confidential–it makes me wonder whether a TV series might be a good idea but only after a Sweet Valley Confidential movie is shown to launch it–reintroduce it to the younger generation so to speak, and delighting longtime fans like myself.

The plot is not complicated… Sweet Valley Confidential reads more like a series of vignettes which takes us into 10 years into the future from where we left off over a decade ago.

It could have been more poignant, more complicated and more heart-wrenching (and longer) to appeal to now adult fans, but as it is, it shows the signature sweetness of Sweet Valley which we know and love.

A nostalgic treat.

(c) Niconica 2011*

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If only endings could be this perfunctory as having the “Game over” text flash on the screen, then it’s restart or turn off the game device–with the option of playing again another day.  Unfortunately, endings cannot be this ‘pleasant’ since there is usually a distinct sense of loss experienced by one or both of the people about to part.

Letting go would often be the prescribed antidote to break-ups or other emotional endings and goodbyes–if only it were that easy.  If only there was such a thing as a “Letting Go” ointment which is available…

Imagine this:

 “Just broke up?

Apply ointment 3 times a day until all symptoms disappear.  

For cool-offs or less intense breaks, apply once a day or upon own discretion until pain disappears.”  

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way and we have to do it the good old-fashioned way… We have to go through it day by day and gradually learn to let go and detach from the situation/person… Until such a day that  a miracle cure or a magic antidote appears.

(c) Niconica 2011*

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So there’s one book that I can’t wait to purchase it (in Kindle edition no doubt) as soon as it’s available. It’s Dolores Cannon’s latest book “The Convoluted Universe Part Four” and it’s coming out in December. I thought it was supposed to come out this month but upon checking Amazon, it says that it’ll come out next month on Christmas Day nonetheless, so it’s something to look forward to. I like the spiral artwork on the book cover too.  Can’t wait! I’m practically bobbing up and down here in anticipation.

I’ve enjoyed reading many of Cannon’s books and it’s something which I feel is quite fascinating. Hypnosis and past life regression are quite interesting and really broadens the mind with what could be possible.  Reincarnation is another subject which sparks my interest and along those lines, I enjoy reading books by Dr. Brian Weiss and Sylvia Browne too, among others.

(c) Niconica 2011*

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When any relationship is built, it is important–and necessary–that it be built on solid ground. This entails being clear on what the relationship is and where it is heading and being able to communicate it to the other person unambiguously.

If one or the other party is not on the same page as to what the relationship is and where it is heading, then it cannot be considered that the relationship is on solid ground… and yet many a relationship has been built on such precarious premises.

So let’s back up a bit and examine whether it is worth proceeding with the pseudo-relationship and ask ourselves whether we really deserve to be in such a position.  It is imperative that before any lasting foundation is built–metaphorically or otherwise–that we check for solid ground, without which it might be wise to seek another more conducive site to build our lives and dreams on.

(c) Niconica 2011*

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‘Click.’ Infatuation often comes in the blink of an eye, and is more often than not coupled with temporary emotional blindness. When this happens, sound judgement seems to go out the window.

Even while logic identifies a lot of factors which would make the person unacceptable as a serious romantic partner, the draw towards the person remains especially when there is an unexplainable and undeniable chemistry.

(c) Niconica 2011*

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There comes a point in any relationship situation where it’s more painful to continue… where the status quo feels like a quicksand and staying in it would just cause more damage.  So it’s either we get from quicksand to higher ground or leave the whole enterprise entirely–for our own good.

Ambiguous situations cannot continue indefinitely without causing damage to one or both parties and there comes a time where clarity is called for.  The situation can only go so far when the situation is murky, and beyond that it can even become destructive like a ticking time bomb… a disaster waiting to happen.

How do we neutralize the ticking time bomb? If we are able and ready to discuss the situation openly with the other party in the relationship, there might be some resolution–though not always to the end that we would like because the mere fact an ambiguous relationship has gone on that long–it indicates that the other party is not ready or does not want to move the relationship further.

The other way is to carefully extract ourselves from the situation by distancing ourselves from the other person.  This is hard to do but this sometimes can be the only way that we get out of the situation alive–even if not without injuries or damage of some sort.

Think about it.

(c) Niconica 2011*

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