Archives for posts with tag: kindred spirit

Meeting in person was not discussed though we planned on touching base every once in a while to collaborate on our personal projects. Truth be told, were it up to me, I would have wanted to at least keep in touch fairly regularly via SMS, but it was not the case. It’s not necessarily a matter of romantic intention, but more of an inclination to explore the connection for whatever reason, and be able to keep the discussion going.  Were I younger, I would have spent more time than I did on the matter, feeling frustrated, but as it was… I was able to manage to let the feeling of sadness or frustration go each time it came up.

I also felt that it would be more efficient to have met up to discuss the project but at the same time, I felt hesitant to meet up because of the overwhelming awe of meeting such a person whom I had an intensely unique connection with.  I felt that keeping a healthy distance was the best way about this and so it went for a few weeks, and it came to the point when I was seriously questioning whether to proceed with the collaboration.

It was a matter of holding two conflicting emotions in the palm of my hand and assessing what was to be done.  One on hand, there was something which compelled me towards him in the most inexplicable manner; and, on the other hand, there was something which made me feel like staying away because it made me feel vulnerable because it was rare that someone sees me for who I really am–through all the veils of illusion.

It does not have to be further established that I don’t exactly possess wide-eyed naivete with these matters and it is rare that anyone really impresses me in this manner.  It is not a matter of having dazzling wit or stunning good looks–for there are quite a few people who possess these qualities.  It is a matter of having a rare intense connection.

Just when one thinks that one has life figured out, here comes a curve ball… For some reason or another, I decided to get right to the heart of the matter and focus on practically and efficiency and thus proposed a meet-up, half expecting that the meet-up would not push through or be declined.  It wasn’t the case.  We did meet up and it was a continuation of our compelling encounter before…

Conversation spilled forth like fine wine, reminiscent of the conversations in Before Sunset.  It was then I witnessed one of those rare smiles which reached his eyes–and my heart. It was an uncomfortable feeling.  I don’t like feeling anything more than I need to or want to, and this encounter was nudging the hidden corners of my heart via an unprecedented mental connection.

It’s both amazing and almost unbelievable when we actually talk to someone who gets exactly when we mean–without further elaboration.

(c) Niconica 2011*

*does not apply to image/s

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It is not everyday that we encounter a kindred spirit in the deepest sense of the word–a soulmate in the truest sense of the word. I have to say “the truest sense” because the word soulmate, like the word love and sanity,  has been abused and bastardized to the point of it that it can mean almost anything anyone wants it to mean.

Based on all the literature and media representations of meeting a kindred spirit, an instant and magical indication is indicated in all it’s chick-flick glory.  While this sort of experience does undoubtedly exist, it does not exclude different experiences of recognizing a kindred soul… which might not be as dramatic as popularly depicted, but just as valid.  Time could gracefully bridge the meeting and the soul recognition.

The moment of recognition of a kindred spirit can be described as an unexpected sighting of a sudden beam of light in the dark with both the growing light and the dark surprising us in that it is not until we catch sight of the precious luminescence that we realize that we were in the dark all along–that the world which we had thought was bright and clear, until that point of recognition and contact, has been dim all along to the point of murkiness.

Yet, how many people are blessed with such an opportunity? I had long-lost hope of ever meeting a kindred spirit in this tenuous journey we call life, and it is at that point when a glimmer appears, and when it does, it captures your whole soul and it both encompasses and surpasses self-serving romantic love, and because of that it feels completely unreal–almost like a mirage. And perhaps it is… time will tell.

(c) Niconica 2011

*does not apply to image/s

They say that people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Most of the time, we don’t realize all this until the experience has long passed.  It is upon looking back that we realize the relevance of the experience. I am grateful that for this particular encounter, I was fully present in the moment to witness and experience it. It’s not life altering or anything, but it was specifically and personally meaningful, which I guess, in the end, is what really matters.

It would most likely be evident from the blog posts that cynicism has crept into my system and as much as I might internally and secretly hope for encounters with kindred spirits, I am not counting on it to happen often–if at all. It is rare that I meet a kindred spirit on the path who really speaks to me–or so it seems.

The initial title of the blog post is “A Soulmate Encounter” and when I stepped back and thought about it, I would have to be honest that upon further examination of the experience and subsequent encounters with this particular kindred spirit, I am unsure whether he can be definitely classified as a soulmate… which still does not really detract from what might have been a one-off encounter with him.

So here’s what I hope would be a short and interesting, albeit admittedly expository, account of what happened.

I had encountered him years ago and it was interesting because we both did not make very strong impressions on each other, and this was evident because he did not even remember me this time around when we met again. I am not in a habit of randomly introducing, or furthermore, re-introducing myself, to people when I encounter them again–especially if it was not necessary.  However, I don’t know what came upon me that afternoon when I reintroduced myself in a confident and friendly manner and let the whole fact that he did not even recall who I was roll down my back.

I am usually not so thick-skinned as to risk such a reception but for some reason that day I was feeling upbeat and nonchalant as I struck up some small talk reminding him about the circumstances where we met before and let the fact that he vaguely remembered pass. I went on my way and for some reason, kept on encountering him in passing and making a few comments here and there, which could be construed as small talk, except for the fact that small talk is usual trivial and both parties are not particularly interested in what the other has to say as much as they are interested in merely moving their mouths and having sounds come out and shallowly interacting.

For some strange reason, he seemed to be listening to what I said and asking relevant follow-up questions with a focused and intense gaze which signified that a flippant reply would not suffice. I am so jaded as to actually be surprised that there are conversations where people are still particularly interested in what the other party has to say, instead of merely engaging in meaningless verbal repartee. There was constant activity and our little pockets of conversation kept getting interrupted and I had to excuse myself a couple of times, a few times with relief because I was not prepared for such well thought of questions.

As chance would have it we eventually did end up having the opportunity to talk more intensely and we both were able to have a brief pocket of time when the conversation was permitted to proceed for a considerable length of time and it was like discovering a an unexpected present. I am unaccustomed to meet someone who seemed to “get” me and somehow who seemed to have the uncanny power of glimpsing into the shadow of my soul. It is rare to be able to converse with a kindred spirit, and even now, I am grateful for the moment. There are so many ephemeral moments which flit by but during rare times, we do get a treat–and this is one of them… these are moments which, while brief, possess their weight in gold.

It reminded me of Ethan Hawke’s movie Before Sunset in some ways, sans the flirtations.  As much as I would like to claim that there was a romantic interest at the beginning, it would simply not be true. It was within the context of the gripping conversation that I suddenly found an appreciate for his quiet and intense gazes and saw his pleasing looks in a whole new light. Despite occasional flights of fancies which may be indulged in my mind or in writing, I am not wont to act in a manner which reflects what I feel.

So, no, there is no fairy tale ending here nor any romantic encounters in store, as much as I may secretly hope… for a myriad of reasons including the fact that all these notions are most likely one-sided, and I am sensible enough to acknowledge it. It is one of the more unfortunate facts of life that many things which we think or feel for someone else has a high probability of being one-sided.  It doesn’t make the fact less painful to face, but the consequences of imprudently acting out on delusional thoughts would even be worse.

I find solace in the fact that I have at least made a friend. It is my wish that the friendship be more meaningful without necessarily leading down any romantic avenue which tends to be filled with emotional minefields. Perhaps this connection, real or imaginary, could last longer if it’s carefully framed as friendship because there is a certain solace in the safe distance friendship provides, though I cannot help but feel my heart skip a beat during the rare times when we communicate, nor can I help but feel my heart sink when I realize even more that this connection is special only in my own mind.

It is what it is and I am thankful to have met him again, for whatever reason.

(c) Niconica 2011*

*does not apply to image/s