Archives for posts with tag: human

Have we become so jaded that we approach love as a form of power play?  We gauge each move and see whether the other person responds and we weigh our next move accordingly and see whether it would secure us the leverage we wish to prevail in the game? This form of approach is already dubious even outside the realm of romance, because the crafty shrewdness undermines honestly, honour, integrity, and what more, the highest of all virtues, love.

We are so uncomfortable at losing power or control over any situation that if we so much as express more emotion than the other and it is not reciprocated, we feel that we have not made the ‘right’ moves and it confers power upon the other over us.  Perhaps, in a manner of speaking, this is true.  At a base level, a love relationship is not immune to politics and plays for dominance, but this sort of approach demeans what it truly means to be in love with someone.

How averse are we to being hurt that we are willing to protect ourselves at any cost–even from ourselves or from someone else who may break down our walls and love us? There is nothing wrong with loving another, what causes us pain is the expectation that the love would be requited and it need not be. Yes it would be all the lovelier if the love was reciprocated, but it need not be.

We are capable of truly loving all by our lonesome, as sad as it might be.  We may only hope but we may not expect that the other be able to or should be capable of loving us back in the same manner or with the same intensity.  When we love, we must remember that it should be with no strings attached, otherwise, it detracts from the essence of love which gives freely without expecting another in return–though perhaps hoping for reciprocation.

(c) Niconica 2013



It is all too temping to think that we may carry on with being cavalier with the feelings of others with impunity because there will come a certain time when it may catch up with us and it will be too late. Without appreciating the perspective of the other side, there are some people who see fit to use people for their own pleasure and gratification without a full appreciation of the other as a human being and it will be to their eventual detriment, in terms of karma as well as their own moral degradation.

Every time we act in a dishonourable manner, we chip away at our moral fibre and before we know it.  There will be none left to speak of and it would almost be a far cry to consider ourselves as human beings worthy of respect. It may be all too enjoyable to use people like they are objects and discard them once something newer catches our eye but it would simply be a waste of a perfectly good karmic account since there is no action that is immune to the laws of cause and effect.

When we hurt another due to our self-interest and for our own benefit, we must not be surprised when what goes around eventually does come around.  By that time, it may be too late to rectify the wrongs which have been committed.  It behooves us to consider that every time we do a hurtful act, we are harming ourselves as well as the other.  When it comes down to it, is the eventual damage and fallout even worth it?

(c) Niconica 2013

If we as much as considered the long term implications of our actions, we would not choose to take advantage of anyone.  The eventual backlash that one must inevitably experience when we have gone a step too far and worn out our welcome might not be overtly negative but it might be irreversible.

We may think little of the feelings of the people whom we have chosen to emotionally/financially/psychologically/mentally/physically victimise, and we might even think that they too gullible or stupid to warrant being treated like human beings, but eventually they catch on and we might not have a second chance –whether to rectify or vindicate ourselves or go for a second killing.

They might not be calling us out because they are good souls who do not wish to attract any negative situation to their lives or perhaps they are wise souls who know that people who are opportunistic and selfish are beyond any effort to reach an agreement with.

What we think as their tolerance of our deceit might actually simply be their attempt to ignore or avoid us and minimise our impact in their lives–deeming us inconsequential, while we continue to fancy ourselves as the puppet master and them as pawns in our schemes.

We think we have them in the palm of our hands, while they simply cannot be bothered with correcting us or rectifying the situation and they let us fool ourselves into thinking we have the upper hand whereas in not addressing the situation, they have removed themselves from the game entirely while we waste our time in plotting our next move.

There comes a point when we will be disregarded from their lives completely, without us even anticipating it.  With more patient people, wearing out our welcome may seem to be impossible–but it does get to that point, and when it does, it is final.

If we as much as valued ourselves amply, we must realize that in compromising our integrity and worth for devious mind games, we lose more than we gain–we lose our souls and become little better than predators in search for the next gullible victim.  We cheat ourselves out of genuine and meaningful interactions with people in our hunger for getting ahead.

With our limited and fallible human minds, we see that we are immune to the immediate negative consequences of our actions and instead see the false rewards which come from them, however, every single action does have an equal and opposite reaction (also known as “karma”) and it does catch up with us eventually–and by that time, it will be too late.

Think twice before engaging in any endeavour which would cause us to wear out our welcome with good company.  We might end up in the company of more ferocious human emotional predators and not survive psychologically to tell the tale.

(c) Niconica 2013

The past decade of my life has been eventful, to say the least.  It is basically a constant refresher on the Buddha‘s teachings of impermanence.  It has not gone according to plan and it makes me realize that we can make plans and aspire all we want to certain things but there are things which are beyond the grasp of sheer will and hard work–while of course, there are certain things which are achievable through perseverance.  Yet, there is no assurance about the future outcome of events because the nature of reality is that it is unpredictable and sometimes, even appearing random, while having some strange thread flowing through them when we look back.

I’ve come to learn that there may be things which we would desire and which to come into fruition but sometimes, it is not within our control or for us to say.  And it seems that each year that we live on this earth, the ante goes up and we are given more and more challenges, and sometimes we feel that we might even reach our breaking point because everything seems to be going awry and when we look at our fellow human beings–it may seem that everything is going peachy for them while we stand in the rain looking at their blessings.  What we may not be aware of is that they may be thinking the same thing because we hardly get everything that we want and while one facet of our life may be going more smoothly and we may feel that we are gradually getting a grasp on how to handle it; there would be other facets of life which feels like Russian roulette and we’ll just have to deal with what we are given and see what happens.

It is the lack of control of the outcome which really gives us pain because the uncertainty is not pleasant to bear and we would then have to cultivate both patience and courage with dealing with all things which are out of our control.  It’s not comfortable to think that there are more things which are out of our control that is within our control, but yet within this limitation, we may begin to harness the strength that we have and work with it.  We are in control of our own body, speech, and mind–or so we should be.  I think that beyond thinking about making situations or people conform to our will, we must first look within ourselves and investigate the nature of our own thoughts and seriously learn to hone our own unruly thoughts so that we may not become our own worst enemies.

We must also learn to harness the power of our speech so that we may be able to promote goodwill amongst fellow human beings instead of creating strife and conflict–and these then lead towards the further step of doing good with our presence here on earth–which is just a meager few decades.  This realization should spur us to make the most out of our limited time on earth and allow us to be of benefit to our fellow inhabitants of the planet/cosmos/galaxy.  It is in this manner which we would be able to better ourselves, as well as others, and even though we might still not be able to surmise or fully control what the future holds, we will be planting positive seeds which would eventually yield pleasant experiences for us.

(c) Niconica 2013


So imagine building something from the ground up for over a decade and you’ve only gotten so far, when you’re suddenly asked to team up with a group of other people who haven’t even managed to dig the ground to lay in their foundations and with only so much time, you’re called to help them with helping them lay their foundations and while at first the idea of being altruistic has its appeal, the reality does not quite live up to the picture especially when many of them practically lean back and watch you do their job for them–partly due to ignorance, partly due to complacence, and partly due to irresponsibility.

The idea of selflessness looks good on paper but it almost seems to border negligence of one’s own affairs when one can’t realistically take care of two things at the same time. It is at this moment when one tows the line between selflessness and selfishness–to look after oneself first or to help others at one’s own risk or look out for one’s own best interest. It seems so easy to work out on paper–with all the self-help literature out there about being a good soul and helping others, but it’s not as easy to make the same choices in real life, when one has toiled alone for so long in building something from the ground up–and there is still so much to do.

Granted, these others have not had the experience of laying their foundations yet and are in sore need for someone to show them the way–even down to holding a shovel and such, what type of cement to pour, and what wood to be used. To them, the little foundation that you have built seems to be a monument compared to their raw patch of land in need of tilling and the question remains–is it really you’re business or duty to help them when they cannot help themselves out of a unique blend of their own flaws and ignorance, and after they have caused you so much trouble–taking time away from your own precious building project. Do you really have that much time, effort, and energy to spare to hone them–and, should you?

(c) Niconica 2012

It’s not as simple anymore to answer the question: Do you believe in fate or free will?






It might be because when I was younger I believed very strongly in free will, but as experiences and setbacks have piled up through the years, I started leaning slightly more towards fate.

Fate or "Ming" in Chinese


It might perhaps be a coping mechanism of sorts–to justify the bad thiings that have happened by attributing it to fate as opposed to accepting the other possibility which is that we have made the wrong decisions and ended up stuck with the consequences.

The Roll of the Dice

It might also be that we have learned the hard way that free will can only go so far… We may want something or someone with all our being but it doesn’t mean that we will be able to achieve or get them.

It might also mean that we are much weaker, passive or exhausted, and we rage and raise our fists against life even less and are content to be swept along by the tides of destiny (or fate, whatever we choose to call it).

Expect the Unexpected

So, I guess the answer is both–depending on which life stage I was in. And who knows which one it’ll be in the coming years.

(c) Niconica 2011*

*does not apply to image/s

I have to admit that I read The Daily Post @ almost daily to see what new Plinky prompts or other interesting topics which they have posted. I like this topic and I couldn’t come up with a better title other than the actual prompt itself:

What part of life confuses you the most?

It would be all too easy, and a bit lazy and misleading, just to say that “Everything” in life confuses me. . . because not everything in life confuses me anymore.

I’d like to think that I’ve got a good grasp of at least a few things or even a better idea of a few other things. However, what confuses me the most is something so basic and yet so paradoxical, and that is: L-O-V-E. . .romantic love to be specific .

Love and relationships confuse me the most because they are not logical. . . and as much as there are some occasions when human beings have proven themselves to be logical, they soon lose all their credibility for being logical as soon as they step into the realm of romantic relationships because nothing is more illogical than two beings involved in a so-called romantic relationship.

Once we step into the embraces of romance, we find that we tend to mysteriously misplace our good sense and rationality. . . and the situation we find ourselves in is an unpredictable free for all where the chips fall as they may–in other words, we seem to lose control over many of our faculties and have no idea what will happen next.

All we end up having is this intense hope that everything would turn out well but every day unfolds in uncertainty and we just have to live with it–for as we know now, words are just words and promises can hardly be used as a bond to hold someone with us against their will.

So once we step in the melee of love we are all hope and fear glued together by faith that it will all work out and that it won’t be some sort of cruel joke that the universe plays upon us.

Once we step into the uncertainty, we find that the only way we can go on without disengaging from it is through trust . . . that all will unfold as it should. And it is confusing and frightening to put our faith and trust into something so intangible and uncertain.

If only it were that easily to logically extricate ourselves from such a situation, then we’d be safe, but we’ll be missing out on one of the best gifts of life. We can only hope that the risk is worth the reward.

However, if only love came with a fail-safe manual and a guarantee, life would be easier, wouldn’t it? Here’s to wishing . . .

(c) Niconica 2011*

*does not apply to image/s

I wasn’t really sure what to expect when a friend recommended District 9.  Further into the movie, it becomes evident that under the skillful direction of Neill Blomkamp, together with the poignant portrayal of the lead character Wikus van de Merwe by Sharlto Copley, and impressive aliens designed by the acclaimed Weta Workshop, the four 2010 Academy Award nominations for Best Picture, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Visual Effects, and Best Editing are fully warranted.

It was quite a pleasant surprise – although it was by no means relaxing to watch.  District 9 is relevant, intense, riveting, and insightful… seamlessly incorporating science fiction elements to present very real and timely issues surrounding the disturbing actual events of social segregation produced by xenophobia.

It is not, by any chance, a movie where one sits back and allows oneself to be mindlessly entertained, but instead, one which holds us in its grip from the onset until the conclusion.

It can only be hoped that we emerge from viewing the movie more aware of the sobering social realities and moved to not further contribute to existing social discord by further indulging in intolerance, ignorance, and discrimination.

District 9 reminds us of the ironic truth that being human does not automatically confer humanity upon us.  Hopefully, we become inspired to develop, preserve, and enhance our humanity through courageously taking the first step of keeping an open mind towards the different and the unknown.

(c) Niconica 2010