Archives for posts with tag: Forgiveness

It probably holds true for all humans that failure is not a welcome experience, and yet it occurs with or without our permission.  The best of us are more flexible and able to view the failure as a manifestation of life’s impermanence and move on, but to some of us, who are more doggedly set on our expectations coming to fruition, failure is probably one of the hardest experiences to muster–probably at par with rejection.

Failure comes in many ways and for many reasons–it is hardest when we have to acknowledge our contribution to the experience, as much as we may want to brush it off and place the blame on others or feign that we did not have a hand in it.  One of the hardest lessons of failure is that we are forced to come face to face with ourselves and the occurrence, and if we are wise, we must have a good hard look and find a way to not repeat the mistakes which lead to it.

If we try to digest the entirety of the failure, we will end up choking and probably suffering a serious depression or a mental breakdown.  As with many overwhelming experiences, it might be better to digest it a day at a time or an element at a time.  Where there are some factors which we may not come to terms with or justify, then we have to allow time to heal the wound so to speak.

We might not be as resilient as other people and it might take us a longer time to wallow and get over the experience.  One of the more important things to remember is that we must learn to forgive ourselves and let go.  This is, of course, easier said than done as we might keep ruminating about the past and wondering how and why, even with the best of intentions, we went wrong.  We might be completely baffled as to why the experience has turned out to be an experiment gone awry even with our best efforts and intentions.

Hindsight is 20/20 and if we are honest with ourselves, we would recognise that we are as fallible as the next person and we most likely have overlooked some little things along the way which eventually add up–a lot of small bad or mistaken decisions do add up to a monumental disaster and we were most likely either too preoccupied, too sure of ourselves, too closed minded, or too stubborn to have realised it.  Failure is a very humbling experience if we choose to learn from the lessons it brings us.

Repeating the sequence of events in our heads or wishing that we had known all along is one of the surest ways to not be able to move forward.  Failure requires us to have the resiliency and flexibility to acknowledge the facts and be able to move away from the past and stay in the present one day at a time until we move further into the future and have the courage to trust ourselves once again.

(c) Niconica 2015

It’s been pretty full on these past few days so I haven’t been able to blog as much as I would have wanted to. Topic # 85 brought to us by http://plinky.com via http://dailypost.wordpress.com is: How do you recover lost trust? In a person in an idea? with the bonus questions of: If someone lets you down or betrays you, how do you learn to forgive? And can you possibly learn to trust them again? Why or why not?

Broken Trust

What hefty topic, but the quick answer to the question “How do you recover lost trust?” is: Very rarely. Trust once lost is irretrievable, it can be replaced by a facsimile of what it once was–which is really a counterfeit echo of the real deal–which really doesn’t count and doesn’t hold up properly with the passage of time.

In the rare cases where the person really takes the effort to make amends and endeavors to prove the age-old adage “Future behavior is determined by past behavior” to be wrong… Perhaps baby steps can be taken and a lot of time has to pass and a lot of tests have to be passed before it gets patched up to a semblance of what it once was but it will never again be the same… which is probably why we should all think twice before breaking someone’s trust in us.

(c) Niconica 2011*

*does not apply to image/s

The more we think about it, the more it irks us.  What am I going on about?  I’m referring to the senseless random things that go wrong in our lives.  The more we think about it the more frustrated we feel.  The more we try to find a reason for the madness of it all, the more agitated we become.

Let me assure you at this point – all the struggle is futile.  What use is it to sit in the darkness and rave and rant, brood and sulk, when all these efforts will be to no avail.  What use is all the useless anguish, when it is just as possible (and maybe not as easy) to stand up, leave the darkness and walk to the light – without trying to make sense of what we leave behind.

There will be a thousand and one reasons why things did not turn out as it should have or could have.  There are a million and one possibilities as to why it happened, and since omniscience evades us, it is unlikely that we would find out why.

Nevertheless, not knowing how or why the cookie crumbled is not a good enough excuse to sit there in tormented stagnation waiting for the proverbial answer to fall from the sky.

Realistically, if you did know the underlying reason would it really make you feel better?  It does not detract from the fact that it cannot change the event.  Only you can change.  And it is time.

Stand up, flick off the dust of the past, and move forward – move into the light.  It is not as easy as it sounds.  You are just as welcome to stay in the darkness for as long as it pleases you.

However, when you are ready to let the darkness take care of itself, the first step into the light is through none other than forgiveness – forgiving ourselves and others.

Forgiveness, as difficult, as challenging, and as impossible as it may sound, allows us a purging, a letting go like no other.  It is time.  Do you pick the darkness over yourself – over your redemption?  Take the first step.  At least, try.

(c) Niconica 2010