Archives for category: Spirituality & Metaphysics

There are many causes for disease but it seems too much of a coincidence that quite a few people I’ve encountered who have developed breast cancer have had spouses who were unfaithful to them. They have lost their breasts, and sometimes even their lives to these partners who claim to love them and are wondering why this disease has mysteriously developed and befallen them.

One wonders why the love of one person doesn’t seem to be enough for people who are compulsive cheaters. It’s ironic that when these cheaters suffer marginal heartache when they are dropped by someone who has finally woken up to reality or who has destroyed themselves with terminal disease, they still don’t get a clue as to why it has happened to them.

It’s like they wonder why people shouldn’t be at their disposal and this callous and heartless treatment of people who love us is often masked by a charming and agreeable demeanor… After all, how would they get their future emotional Roadkill to stand in the middle of the road frozen while they emotionally mow them over and kill them.

Whether or not we are conscious of our actions of not, each actions sows a seed of the same quality for payback in the future. It is extreme hubris to think that we shall never suffer the consequences of our decisions even if we say that we meant well or that we didn’t mean to do it.

It would be miraculous if the people who are the perpetrators of emotional assault and battery develop awareness of their ways. So this post is for everyone else who have a working conscience and some sense of responsibility and humanity, do not allow yourself to be involved with someone who has utter disregard for your happiness and wellbeing even if they are magnetic, sexy, attractive or whatnot.

Remember, the predator needs to have a method to lure prey in willingly, it saves them the time and effort of chasing. When in doubt, actions speak louder than words. If they really respected you and cared about you, they wouldn’t put you through all the misery.

They may claim to care about you… Perhaps they do… Like they care about their new possessions or acquisitions. However, if they have the gall to hurt you, it means that they ultimately care about themselves the most and will put others second, or last, even you.

Save yourselves. It’s not worth it. Do not be anyone’s prey.

(C) Niconica2014

According to the perspective of each person, they do not deserve whatever misfortunes happen to them. It might be true in some cases but it is not for the person themselves to determine since when we judge ourselves, it can be wildly biased.

After all, even when no one wants to admit it, people tend to regard themselves highly and think that their presuppositions or assumptions are faultless. On a few occasions I’ve happened upon persons who are wondering why their relationships have blown up in their faces, conveniently forgetting that they are cheaters and have hurt more than one person very much.

They wonder why they have lost the supposed love of their lives or the current person whom they are focusing their attention on and claim to be grieving when what caused at least some part of the pain and bewilderment is just why they were the ones who were dropped first when they were the ones who were supposed to do the dropping.

They are bewildered as to why life can be so cruel when the fact of the matter is that they have been cruel to many others who have taken them seriously and have become their victims without even a second glance or a second thought from them. Could they be considered sociopaths? Many of them could be.

The thing about using people and discarding them like yesterday’s newspaper is that we don’t age backwards… We get older and eventually when we are tired of being irresponsible with others, what we have done catches up with us.

The past is not only in the past as these bewildered people wish to believe when they wonder why so much unhappiness eventually befalls them… They are so bewildered when they realize that everything that they have done to hurt others no matter what motivations they had comes full circle to bite them in the ass.

When that time comes, there is nowhere to run… After all, how do you escape the monster that is yourself? Think very carefully every time you lie, cheat, and steal because even when you have forgotten or run out of health and willpower to play with others, you will still have to pay the price and you might not have the strength to handle it.

(c) Niconica 2014

No one can argue that it would be great to be wealthy.  Having money certainly makes many facets of life more convenient but there is a fine line between owning money and letting money own you.  We must always keep ourselves in check whenever we succeed because there is a higher risk of losing our path when we succeed than when we fail.

When we fail, we are all too aware of the stark realities and perhaps we might tend to lose hope but nothing is as dangerous as getting the wealth, power, or fame which many aspire for.  There is a saying which goes “Be careful what you wish for.  You might actually get it.” It’s certainly ironic but there is always a certain ring of truth with ironies and it can be said about money, fame, and power which are not intrinsically negative but has a higher tendency of causing us to deluded or lose touch with ourselves or where we began, and this is where we end up losing our way and before we know it, we have lost our souls.

Losing ours souls doesn’t come in one fell swoop, it’s a gradual process of adjusting our moral and ethical boundaries for “just a little bit more” until the boundaries blur and actually disappear and we transform into something which we have never imagined ourselves turning out to be when we were starting out.  We might actually become one of those people whom we despise when we were on the outside looking in… This is where the victims turn into the perpetrators, more often than not.

We must then ask ourselves–is all the worldly gain we wish for worth the price of our humanity?

 

(c) Niconica 2014

Have we become so jaded that we approach love as a form of power play?  We gauge each move and see whether the other person responds and we weigh our next move accordingly and see whether it would secure us the leverage we wish to prevail in the game? This form of approach is already dubious even outside the realm of romance, because the crafty shrewdness undermines honestly, honour, integrity, and what more, the highest of all virtues, love.

We are so uncomfortable at losing power or control over any situation that if we so much as express more emotion than the other and it is not reciprocated, we feel that we have not made the ‘right’ moves and it confers power upon the other over us.  Perhaps, in a manner of speaking, this is true.  At a base level, a love relationship is not immune to politics and plays for dominance, but this sort of approach demeans what it truly means to be in love with someone.

How averse are we to being hurt that we are willing to protect ourselves at any cost–even from ourselves or from someone else who may break down our walls and love us? There is nothing wrong with loving another, what causes us pain is the expectation that the love would be requited and it need not be. Yes it would be all the lovelier if the love was reciprocated, but it need not be.

We are capable of truly loving all by our lonesome, as sad as it might be.  We may only hope but we may not expect that the other be able to or should be capable of loving us back in the same manner or with the same intensity.  When we love, we must remember that it should be with no strings attached, otherwise, it detracts from the essence of love which gives freely without expecting another in return–though perhaps hoping for reciprocation.

(c) Niconica 2013

 

It is all too temping to think that we may carry on with being cavalier with the feelings of others with impunity because there will come a certain time when it may catch up with us and it will be too late. Without appreciating the perspective of the other side, there are some people who see fit to use people for their own pleasure and gratification without a full appreciation of the other as a human being and it will be to their eventual detriment, in terms of karma as well as their own moral degradation.

Every time we act in a dishonourable manner, we chip away at our moral fibre and before we know it.  There will be none left to speak of and it would almost be a far cry to consider ourselves as human beings worthy of respect. It may be all too enjoyable to use people like they are objects and discard them once something newer catches our eye but it would simply be a waste of a perfectly good karmic account since there is no action that is immune to the laws of cause and effect.

When we hurt another due to our self-interest and for our own benefit, we must not be surprised when what goes around eventually does come around.  By that time, it may be too late to rectify the wrongs which have been committed.  It behooves us to consider that every time we do a hurtful act, we are harming ourselves as well as the other.  When it comes down to it, is the eventual damage and fallout even worth it?

(c) Niconica 2013

When we reach our thirties and forties, many of our friends and acquaintances have most likely gotten married and already have kids or are having kids.  Being single among our peers might make us stand out like a sore thumb and make us wonder whether there might be something wrong with ourselves–and similarly others might have the same thoughts about us.  After all, if we were probably more emotionally skilful or otherwise appealing, shouldn’t someone have snagged us by now?

It might also make us emotionally inept.  Lacking experiences, we might be wont to believe the anecdotes of our married pals who do not have a successful marriage and therefore have the time to still hang out with us and ‘kiss and tell’ so to speak.  The successfully married ones are less wont to tell interesting stories or spend time elaborating about the virtues of being single or go on about the woes of being ‘too loved’ by their wives that they feel that they are emotionally tethered and unable to be free.

We must beware of drinking water from a polluted well even when it’s the only one available.  At the risk of stating the obvious, these unhappily married people are the polluted wells I speak of, they are widely available and have the time to share their emotional toxins and negative thoughts and woes with anyone who would care to listen, and we might think that their tales are cautionary and informative of what might be to come for ourselves.

We must not seek advise or tips on having a healthy relationship or marriage from people who have failed miserably at it, despite their protests that they had nothing to do with the pitiable state of their relationship and claim to be the hapless victims in the situation.  As a friend, perhaps we might lend an ear to them if they need to share their story but we must discern that their predicaments need not create a map of fear in our heads about what relationships might be like–and make us cling to being single and causing us our chances at having a happy and healthy relationship.

When we drink (or take advise) from ‘polluted wells’ (negative people) we are setting ourselves up to fail by being contaminated by their thoughts, behaviours, and misconceptions.  We have probably lived in this world long enough to know that each experience requires our participation and it is very rare to find a relationship failing at the hands of merely only person.  We may wish to provide more wholesome point of views to our unfortunate friends and help them improve their relationships instead of enabling their negative thought patterns, or even worse, adopting their tainted view on relationships.

Do not seek advice about health from a sick person.  Do not seek guidelines on a successful relationship from someone who has failed/failing/ailing relationships.  It is simply this simple.  If we forget this fact, we will doom ourselves to follow in their footsteps and we will have no one but ourselves to blame for allowing it.

(c) Niconica 2013

 

Perhaps there is some virtue in dragging out a situation for longer than is needed, but I can’t seem to see it.  I think that there are some things which have gone out of fashion together with the horse and carriage, and the manual churning of butter.  While advertising seems to extol the values of good old fashioned processes, I think that extending a courtship past a certain point just feels pointless and reeks of disrespect for the time and feelings of the other person.

Time is money and in the realm of budding relationship it also equates to emotional investment which is the currency of emotional connections.  The more time spent on getting to know the person may just equate to more emotional pain when the bandage is suddenly ripped out and the final results kick in.  I think that past a certain point, mulling over the viability of a relationship is just plain indecisiveness in disguise.

When we get to a certain age, we have an idea of what we prefer and it’s just insulting to claim to have no idea what one feels.  If it happens to be true then we might be emotionally retarded and that is just another matter entirely.  Nevertheless, it’s never too soon to to cut someone loose when we don’t have the intention of carrying through a committed relationship with them.  It’s cruel to drag a situation on with no intention of taking it to a more serious level.

We live in a fast-paced world whether we like it or not and when we take too much time to decide on whether someone is right for us, we might risk disrespecting their precious time and inadvertently lead them on–and this is just plain wrong and many other things along those lines.  It is true that only fools rush in but at the same time, taking too long is just similarly foolish, but only in a different manner.

It’s all well and good to go at snail’s pace during the time when there was still no electricity or even no internet, but in this day and age where everyone needs to earn a living and is not merely in a manor waiting for their servants to cater to their every move, we must be mindful of the opportunity costs our dillydallying may be causing the other person–or even ourselves if the other person decides to go for other options due to the prolonged mind games and lack of emotional clarity and direction.

(c) Niconica 2013

There is no shortage of books which advise us to be a certain way or act a certain way in order to gain the romantic attention of someone we are interested in.  Perhaps, the intentions might be good in the sense that these dating books try to help us get a grasp on situations which confuse us, but on the other hand, who is really to say that there are really rules which govern the rules of attraction?

Perhaps, the only rule which really applies to all would be “Be Yourself.” Everything else is extraneous and perhaps, even circumstantial.  If a certain technique works for a certain couple, it does not automatically mean that it applies to another couple.  There are as many different individuals and personalities as there are love stories of how people got together and ended up together.

Perhaps all the Hollywood movies have trained us to believe that love exists in a certain format and that there are these expectations which come along with how to act while dating in order to secure the object of our affections.  We might also believe that gaining someone’s love is an active thing–that we must actually do something in order to be loved by them.

I think that when we think about it clearly, evidence will show that people fall in and out of love–just because.  There is no real empirical or concrete reason which contributes to the love appearing (or disappearing) and all other situations, actions, and attempts which surround the dating and the relationship would be merely circumstantial or at most contributory without being the real reason.

When we like someone, we just do–simply because we do.  We might get a few adjectives and anecdotes to illustrate why we do but upon closer examination, we would have to admit that we just do and there is no real one element which would spur it.  It is an involuntary process.  How it begins and ceases is also almost out of our control.

We like to affix explanations and logic onto many phenomena in order to comprehend them, but sometimes, when we like someone, it’s just simply arbitrary.  We like them, just because. No further reason or justification required.

(c) Niconica 2013

 

Beyond romantic attraction, we must assess the emotional capability of a potential romantic partner.  Trial and error occurs because this is not something which can immediately be seen and requires some sort of emotional investment to be able to experience whether the emotional depth and capability of the potential partner matches ours.

In saying this, we must also have a grasp of whether our emotional capability is as such that entering into a relationship will be beneficial and fair for the other person as well.  It is during moments wherein misunderstandings and conflict arise where we would be able to have a clearer sense of how the other person handles it and responds to us.

It is also during these crucial moments when we would be able to have a glimpse of their true nature. and whether it would be feasible to further engage with the person in the long run.  It’s always tricky to be in a situation where we are emotionally drawn to the person that it clouds our better judgement.

However, at the back of one’s mind, one must have the lucidity to be objective and realize that there are certain shortcomings which will be seriously detrimental to a relationship’s wellbeing and upon identification of the symptoms, it must be considered seriously before moving the relationship forward.

(c) Niconica 2013

We might want instant results and answers, owing to the immediate access to Googling and Wikipedia, but with getting to know someone we are interested in, there is no better ally than time to aid us with uncovering whether the person is worth investing emotions in and whether our impression of them matches who we discover them to be through the passage of time and whether what we discover can sustain our interest and relationship dynamics.

Dating might not be the best manner in getting to know the other because it requires socially accepted forms of mutual deception owing to our desire to impress the other party and get them to reciprocate our feelings.  It is of course an enjoyable process but in the long run, when the real person is reveal, the reality might not live up to the glittery packaging and we are left floundering and wondering how we ended up in this position.

The social ritual of dating while being the norm in getting to know someone whom we are romantically interested in inherently contains some pitfalls because in hoping to impress the object of our affections, we try to minimize conflict and conceal our imperfections or true sentiments if it may take away our chances of securing the admiration and approval of our desired partner.

If the desired result is for a long term relationship, it would be valuable to address point of conflict and dissimilarities early on and this would require disclosure of the weaknesses which doesn’t usually happen in the early stages owing to the haze and excitement brought about by infatuation.  In getting to know someone, it’s not about grand sweeping gestures or romantic overtures, it’s the daily manner of relating and interacting which increases in significance as time passes.

It is these seemingly trivial ways of relating which are the fibers which weave together the relationship which only becomes apparently when we let down our guard enough to reveal our true manner or relating and being on a daily basis.  These crucial tidbits reveal themselves through the course of time and are best nurtured by friendship where there is no pressure or expectation from both parties to commit prematurely.

The process of getting know, while fraught with emotional vulnerabilities and turning points, is a necessary stage before even dating or committing because it is where we get to assess the other and their compatibility with us for the long haul, if it is what we desire.  With important decisions such as choosing a life partner, we cannot afford to be hasty or cavalier for our future happiness or misery lies in the decision which we make in selecting someone whom we would move forward with.

(c) Niconica 2013