Archives for category: Mental Health

There are many causes for disease but it seems too much of a coincidence that quite a few people I’ve encountered who have developed breast cancer have had spouses who were unfaithful to them. They have lost their breasts, and sometimes even their lives to these partners who claim to love them and are wondering why this disease has mysteriously developed and befallen them.

One wonders why the love of one person doesn’t seem to be enough for people who are compulsive cheaters. It’s ironic that when these cheaters suffer marginal heartache when they are dropped by someone who has finally woken up to reality or who has destroyed themselves with terminal disease, they still don’t get a clue as to why it has happened to them.

It’s like they wonder why people shouldn’t be at their disposal and this callous and heartless treatment of people who love us is often masked by a charming and agreeable demeanor… After all, how would they get their future emotional Roadkill to stand in the middle of the road frozen while they emotionally mow them over and kill them.

Whether or not we are conscious of our actions of not, each actions sows a seed of the same quality for payback in the future. It is extreme hubris to think that we shall never suffer the consequences of our decisions even if we say that we meant well or that we didn’t mean to do it.

It would be miraculous if the people who are the perpetrators of emotional assault and battery develop awareness of their ways. So this post is for everyone else who have a working conscience and some sense of responsibility and humanity, do not allow yourself to be involved with someone who has utter disregard for your happiness and wellbeing even if they are magnetic, sexy, attractive or whatnot.

Remember, the predator needs to have a method to lure prey in willingly, it saves them the time and effort of chasing. When in doubt, actions speak louder than words. If they really respected you and cared about you, they wouldn’t put you through all the misery.

They may claim to care about you… Perhaps they do… Like they care about their new possessions or acquisitions. However, if they have the gall to hurt you, it means that they ultimately care about themselves the most and will put others second, or last, even you.

Save yourselves. It’s not worth it. Do not be anyone’s prey.

(C) Niconica2014

According to the perspective of each person, they do not deserve whatever misfortunes happen to them. It might be true in some cases but it is not for the person themselves to determine since when we judge ourselves, it can be wildly biased.

After all, even when no one wants to admit it, people tend to regard themselves highly and think that their presuppositions or assumptions are faultless. On a few occasions I’ve happened upon persons who are wondering why their relationships have blown up in their faces, conveniently forgetting that they are cheaters and have hurt more than one person very much.

They wonder why they have lost the supposed love of their lives or the current person whom they are focusing their attention on and claim to be grieving when what caused at least some part of the pain and bewilderment is just why they were the ones who were dropped first when they were the ones who were supposed to do the dropping.

They are bewildered as to why life can be so cruel when the fact of the matter is that they have been cruel to many others who have taken them seriously and have become their victims without even a second glance or a second thought from them. Could they be considered sociopaths? Many of them could be.

The thing about using people and discarding them like yesterday’s newspaper is that we don’t age backwards… We get older and eventually when we are tired of being irresponsible with others, what we have done catches up with us.

The past is not only in the past as these bewildered people wish to believe when they wonder why so much unhappiness eventually befalls them… They are so bewildered when they realize that everything that they have done to hurt others no matter what motivations they had comes full circle to bite them in the ass.

When that time comes, there is nowhere to run… After all, how do you escape the monster that is yourself? Think very carefully every time you lie, cheat, and steal because even when you have forgotten or run out of health and willpower to play with others, you will still have to pay the price and you might not have the strength to handle it.

(c) Niconica 2014

Timing is a personal issue, most especially when it comes to life choices such as getting married… There are people who know immediately that they are with the right person already and there are people who take their sweet time and there is no right or wrong as long as the person is of age and lucid with decision making and not under the grip of mental obscurations.

Nothing in life comes with a failsafe and nothing can be guaranteed for sure but we cannot use these facts as a crutch to keep us helpless and immobile. Life must be lived and the best way we can would be to choose to make the best decision possible given the information we currently have.

It shouldn’t matter how long the duration was from getting to know someone and getting married as long as we aren’t teenagers who most likely don’t know better or too young to even understand what commitment means…

If we are mature adults… Most likely in our thirties onwards and have a grip on our own lives, our capabilities, our expectations, our limitations and personal preferences, we should be left to our own discretion about our life choices including whom we wish to spend our whole life with.

Time is an arbitrary marker which may or may not have any bearing to choosing whom we are to marry and determining whether we have chosen correctly. It’s true time has some bearing on relationships more than others but it is to be determined by the persons involved based on their life stage and personal preferences and not by an onlooker who feels that their comments have any validity.

Getting married is already a big decision as it is and many things should be considered I’m including the life stage and chronological age of the couples. There are many factors and variables involved–known and unknown.

Side comments are annoying at best and irrelevant… Whether or not the marriage occurred too soon or too late based on other people’s preferences is ridiculously unimportant and only serve to estrange the meddler/gossip with the target of their attention and gossip.

The nuances and factors for every relationship can only be realistically assessed by the people involved and while the people in the periphery are free to be bystanders, their opinions and ideas about why or why not should not weigh much compared to the people involved.

This is not to condone elopement dans hormone based infatuation and rash decisions but merely to share the fact that personal timing is not everybody’s business… Hence, before proffering moot suggestions which lack the insight and wisdom to appreciate situations based on the unique factors and criteria, it might be wise to harbor some respect for other people’s decisions or at least maintain neutrality and keep unsolicited advice to oneself.

(c) Niconica 2014

In a perfect world, people would have respect for the emotional and physical boundaries of others. However, we exist in a world which is still in the process of learning how to better itself and whose inhabitants think have the slight problem of differentiating their business from other people’s business.

It then behooves us to set and guard our boundaries wisely without becoming too cautious to the point of paranoia or becoming too vigilant to the point of aggression. We must learn to stand our ground and find a way to not adopt other people’s mental rubbish as our own.

Opinions sprout around us abundantly however it does not mean that we should take everyone’s advice and lose our own principles and convictions. However we must not go overboard with disregarding the input of others arbitrarily.

It falls upon us to keep the essential boundaries in place while being flexible and open minded enough to adjust and learn accordingly.

(C) Niconica 2014

One of the questions which besiege couples is “How did he propose?” This question is a loaded one which is not merely about asking for the description of the events, it contains a brick load of expectations which are toxic for all concerned–for the person asking as well as the people receiving the query.

How has it happened that lavish histrionic proposals are ranked high on society’s psyche and seems to engender social acceptance and a false sense that the proposal foretells the well being of the forthcoming marriage?

When the proposal is not television worthy, it received a disappointed response from the person who has asked as though he or she were reviewing and ranking the proposal. It would be nice if people asked questions only to find information without expectations.

Proposals which are out of this world and wildly romantic do not underwrite the quality of the relationship or love between the couple. It merely indicates the level of histrionic behavior willing to be undertaken for this given purpose.

Too much exposure to the media has caused us to lose sight of what is important in a relationship and in people. We must be able to respect that while for some people gossip worthy manners of proposing marriage seem to be suitable, there are people who take the road less travelled so to speak.

Somewhere along the way we have lost sight of the purpose if the proposal which is securing the agreement of the one we love to be our legal life partner. It’s not about drama nor theatrics. It’s about something more real–love. And hopefully a good dose of practicality and sense.

(c) Niconica 2014

No one can argue that it would be great to be wealthy.  Having money certainly makes many facets of life more convenient but there is a fine line between owning money and letting money own you.  We must always keep ourselves in check whenever we succeed because there is a higher risk of losing our path when we succeed than when we fail.

When we fail, we are all too aware of the stark realities and perhaps we might tend to lose hope but nothing is as dangerous as getting the wealth, power, or fame which many aspire for.  There is a saying which goes “Be careful what you wish for.  You might actually get it.” It’s certainly ironic but there is always a certain ring of truth with ironies and it can be said about money, fame, and power which are not intrinsically negative but has a higher tendency of causing us to deluded or lose touch with ourselves or where we began, and this is where we end up losing our way and before we know it, we have lost our souls.

Losing ours souls doesn’t come in one fell swoop, it’s a gradual process of adjusting our moral and ethical boundaries for “just a little bit more” until the boundaries blur and actually disappear and we transform into something which we have never imagined ourselves turning out to be when we were starting out.  We might actually become one of those people whom we despise when we were on the outside looking in… This is where the victims turn into the perpetrators, more often than not.

We must then ask ourselves–is all the worldly gain we wish for worth the price of our humanity?

 

(c) Niconica 2014

There are times when the pain is so overwhelming that it fries our emotional system and we are unable to process new stimuli.  When people break our hearts unthinkingly then casually contact us after as through we are ‘on call’ and that nothing of significance has occurred, we might find ourselves at a loss as to how to respond–and we don’t.

In a manner of speaking, we are called to compartmentalise this event which does not compute and carry on with other aspects of our lives.  The contradicting actions of others may cause our system to be unable to comprehend what the intent is and we may feel confused as to what the other person intends with the connection.

It would be extremely insensitive of them to presume that becoming friends without so much as breaking a stride from the time that they have rejected us.  We might need some time to recover from the pain and assess whether we are comfortable with the notion of remaining friends with someone who has taken us for granted and abused our kindness.

It is not too much to ask of people to be clear about their romantic intentions in order to avoid leading people on inadvertently.  If they proceed in a manner which allows us to believe that they fancy us in the same manner, then without as much as blinking switch gears to a lukewarm or even cold treatment, we may understandably feel slighted.

We might want to clarify whether we are on the same page and if they brush us off with fluid evasiveness thinking that it would maintain their innocence in the whole interaction, it would betray their callousness and expose how little they think of us.  It should eventually dawn on us that it might not be healthy to pursue a connection with a person who lacks basic human decency–and there are many who merely adapt the appearance of being civilised.

When they pop up casually and resume interactions or communication in a manner which belittles the gravity of their actions, we may find ourselves frozen and our circuits fried enough to not be able to respond in any manner because the mixed signals might be way too much for our brains to handle.  Perhaps it means that, for our own wellbeing, we must merely let the matter drop and not bother figuring it out and move forward without hesitation.

(c) Niconica 2013

Have we become so jaded that we approach love as a form of power play?  We gauge each move and see whether the other person responds and we weigh our next move accordingly and see whether it would secure us the leverage we wish to prevail in the game? This form of approach is already dubious even outside the realm of romance, because the crafty shrewdness undermines honestly, honour, integrity, and what more, the highest of all virtues, love.

We are so uncomfortable at losing power or control over any situation that if we so much as express more emotion than the other and it is not reciprocated, we feel that we have not made the ‘right’ moves and it confers power upon the other over us.  Perhaps, in a manner of speaking, this is true.  At a base level, a love relationship is not immune to politics and plays for dominance, but this sort of approach demeans what it truly means to be in love with someone.

How averse are we to being hurt that we are willing to protect ourselves at any cost–even from ourselves or from someone else who may break down our walls and love us? There is nothing wrong with loving another, what causes us pain is the expectation that the love would be requited and it need not be. Yes it would be all the lovelier if the love was reciprocated, but it need not be.

We are capable of truly loving all by our lonesome, as sad as it might be.  We may only hope but we may not expect that the other be able to or should be capable of loving us back in the same manner or with the same intensity.  When we love, we must remember that it should be with no strings attached, otherwise, it detracts from the essence of love which gives freely without expecting another in return–though perhaps hoping for reciprocation.

(c) Niconica 2013

 

We have become so sophisticated with so many facets of our lives that it has spilled over to the realm of love and dating.  We have become so versed with saving our faces and advancing our own interest that we have found many ways of being defensive when it comes to relating with another in the realm of love and romance so that we minimise our losses and are able to retract immediately and safely save our faces if it seems that the other is not on the page as us.

We become so obsessed with winning the dating ‘game’ that we lose sight of the bigger picture altogether.  We have convinced ourselves that we date and love in order to advance our self-interest and gain the most advantage without exposing ourselves or being unduly vulnerable or hurt.  If we think about it, this strategy almost sounds like the way we would undergo negotiations for business or even a strategy which might apply to warfare, and it is up for debate whether this is the best way to go about falling in love.

We cannot truly love when we are more obsessed with winning and preserving our own image.  Love entails a certain vulnerability and it is risky up to the point that it may actually be so painful that we may wonder whether we would survive a heartbreak.

We may see someone and wish to gauge whether they love us more and we may employ tactics which would assure us that they love us more or that we would not be hurt, we may also wish to ascertain their emotions for us before we surrender our own.  It is but prudent, yet at the same time, it robs the spontaneity and the raw authenticity which true fiery and passionate love is characterised by.

Love at its purest form is unguarded and undefended.  How often can we say that we have loved like this? Perhaps, we may only recall our adolescent days when we did not know any better–this was the only time wherein we loved with abandon–the first and perhaps even the last time we allowed ourselves to be carried away by our emotions, only to be destroyed by it.

After the first debilitating heartbreak, we start to employ more armour and adapt more defence mechanisms so that we may not experience the destruction and the pain we have gone through the first time around.  It definitely does have its uses, it protects us from completely falling apart and allows us to function without being destroyed.

However, it also takes away the raw beauty of love–the authenticity which is inherently unprotected.  When did we suddenly regard dating and love as a game or a battle where we must win at all costs and make sure that the ‘opponent’ surrenders or submits before we do?  It is true that the person who loves the most is at the mercy of the person who loves less but at the same time, the person who loves the most experiences love in a more genuine manner.

By all means, in business or in our careers, we must strive to ‘win’ and ‘prevail’ but love is not a competition wherein devious strategies would benefit the players.  Love is not even a terrain wherein winning would necessarily benefit anyone.  Sometimes when we are so calculated in the realm of love and even if we feel that we have secured victory by guarded and cautious moves, we have actually lost.

In our unhealthy obsession with winning in the realm of romance, we might actually cheat ourselves out of a wonderful soul-searing and life-changing experience called true love, which entails that we put down all our defences and is counter-intuitive to our notion of self-preservation.

(c) Niconica 2013

 

It is all too temping to think that we may carry on with being cavalier with the feelings of others with impunity because there will come a certain time when it may catch up with us and it will be too late. Without appreciating the perspective of the other side, there are some people who see fit to use people for their own pleasure and gratification without a full appreciation of the other as a human being and it will be to their eventual detriment, in terms of karma as well as their own moral degradation.

Every time we act in a dishonourable manner, we chip away at our moral fibre and before we know it.  There will be none left to speak of and it would almost be a far cry to consider ourselves as human beings worthy of respect. It may be all too enjoyable to use people like they are objects and discard them once something newer catches our eye but it would simply be a waste of a perfectly good karmic account since there is no action that is immune to the laws of cause and effect.

When we hurt another due to our self-interest and for our own benefit, we must not be surprised when what goes around eventually does come around.  By that time, it may be too late to rectify the wrongs which have been committed.  It behooves us to consider that every time we do a hurtful act, we are harming ourselves as well as the other.  When it comes down to it, is the eventual damage and fallout even worth it?

(c) Niconica 2013