Archives for the month of: April, 2014

In a perfect world, people would have respect for the emotional and physical boundaries of others. However, we exist in a world which is still in the process of learning how to better itself and whose inhabitants think have the slight problem of differentiating their business from other people’s business.

It then behooves us to set and guard our boundaries wisely without becoming too cautious to the point of paranoia or becoming too vigilant to the point of aggression. We must learn to stand our ground and find a way to not adopt other people’s mental rubbish as our own.

Opinions sprout around us abundantly however it does not mean that we should take everyone’s advice and lose our own principles and convictions. However we must not go overboard with disregarding the input of others arbitrarily.

It falls upon us to keep the essential boundaries in place while being flexible and open minded enough to adjust and learn accordingly.

(C) Niconica 2014

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One of the questions which besiege couples is “How did he propose?” This question is a loaded one which is not merely about asking for the description of the events, it contains a brick load of expectations which are toxic for all concerned–for the person asking as well as the people receiving the query.

How has it happened that lavish histrionic proposals are ranked high on society’s psyche and seems to engender social acceptance and a false sense that the proposal foretells the well being of the forthcoming marriage?

When the proposal is not television worthy, it received a disappointed response from the person who has asked as though he or she were reviewing and ranking the proposal. It would be nice if people asked questions only to find information without expectations.

Proposals which are out of this world and wildly romantic do not underwrite the quality of the relationship or love between the couple. It merely indicates the level of histrionic behavior willing to be undertaken for this given purpose.

Too much exposure to the media has caused us to lose sight of what is important in a relationship and in people. We must be able to respect that while for some people gossip worthy manners of proposing marriage seem to be suitable, there are people who take the road less travelled so to speak.

Somewhere along the way we have lost sight of the purpose if the proposal which is securing the agreement of the one we love to be our legal life partner. It’s not about drama nor theatrics. It’s about something more real–love. And hopefully a good dose of practicality and sense.

(c) Niconica 2014

It seems that somewhere along the way the real essence of weddings has gotten lost in the billion-dollar wedding industry.  We are being sold a dream and a fantasy while we lose our grips on reality on one of our most important life decisions.  There are only a few things more important that selecting our life partner and we must not get lost in the illusions which popular media and society have created.  

We may be exposed to Western television series which portray divorces to be as casual as break-ups, but we still live in a society where divorces are not legally allowed and annulments are mentally, psychologically, and financially costly.  With this in mind, our society encourages the idea of lavish weddings which may allow the faint-hearted to lose their grips on reality.

The wedding is not the endgame.  It’s just the beginning.  Therefore impractical notions should be checked at the door.  We cannot judge the quality of a relationship or a marriage on how much the weddings costs and how flamboyant the celebration was.  These are not definitive factors of what is more important–the relationship of the couple and their marriage and family life together. 

Truth be told, the wedding is merely a means to and end–which is joining ourselves legally with the person that we love and being able to start society sanctioned life and family together.  It was probably a bigger deal in the olden times when there was no indoor plumbing, no vaccinations, no electricity, and no modern conveniences–therefore weddings were a means to literally surviving. 

I think that we have, as a society, become obsessed with the trappings that we have lost the point entirely. We must endeavour to always keep it real. 

(c) Niconica 2014

If there is one thing that we can all agree on, it’s that life is unpredictable and changes can occur in the blink of an eye.  We must learn to mind our own business and avoid being judgemental of other people because we are not omniscient and we cannot know how things will turn out even for ourselves, much less for other people.

It is easy to proffer our opinions and pass judgement on others, but to what end? In the end, our opinions do not have any bearing on the reality of other people nor can we predict definitively how the situation will transpire.  It is better to be neutral and observant and learn to focus on our own betterment rather than be preoccupied with other people’s situations to the point of being a gossip or a busybody.

This is not to say that we must be narcissistic and not help others who are in need.  It is only to establish that if we are not able to benefit other people by helping them, we must avoid being judgemental.  It would be good practice to remain neutral when it comes to many situations which occur to other people. 

Each minute that we spend on judging others and pronouncing our opinions on them or about them, it takes away precious time which we may devote to more productive and positive pursuits.  Being judgemental is a flaw of lazy people who would rather use the excuse of “concern” for other people to procrastinate or to divert focus away from their own weaknesses. 

At the end of the day, all these useless or destructive behaviour will take away from our humanity and cause us to develop negative mental habits which will take away from our future happiness.  Be mindful. 

(c) Niconica 2014

We find ourselves in a world where all superficial and material needs seem to be progressing while we seem to lose track of what is essential and find ourselves in want of a moral compass.  It may seem that morality is not applicable now as we get more and more jaded and cynical through bad experiences, but it is precisely the nature of these experiences which make it even more clear that we must start growing and maintaining a strong moral backbone–this cannot be purchased and artificially constructed.

It is only through careful and meticulous discipline that we maintain what it is that makes us human so that we do not harm others as well as ourselves through the current of increasingly selfishness and narcissism.  Being ethical and having good morals is not optional–it is necessary–so that we do not lose our souls in the process.  

Peace of mind is probably one of the most overlooked treasures which we could have.  We must stop and not allow the rampant and intense materialism carry us away at the expense of what is truly important.  

(c) Niconica 2014