Archives for the month of: November, 2013

There are times when the pain is so overwhelming that it fries our emotional system and we are unable to process new stimuli.  When people break our hearts unthinkingly then casually contact us after as through we are ‘on call’ and that nothing of significance has occurred, we might find ourselves at a loss as to how to respond–and we don’t.

In a manner of speaking, we are called to compartmentalise this event which does not compute and carry on with other aspects of our lives.  The contradicting actions of others may cause our system to be unable to comprehend what the intent is and we may feel confused as to what the other person intends with the connection.

It would be extremely insensitive of them to presume that becoming friends without so much as breaking a stride from the time that they have rejected us.  We might need some time to recover from the pain and assess whether we are comfortable with the notion of remaining friends with someone who has taken us for granted and abused our kindness.

It is not too much to ask of people to be clear about their romantic intentions in order to avoid leading people on inadvertently.  If they proceed in a manner which allows us to believe that they fancy us in the same manner, then without as much as blinking switch gears to a lukewarm or even cold treatment, we may understandably feel slighted.

We might want to clarify whether we are on the same page and if they brush us off with fluid evasiveness thinking that it would maintain their innocence in the whole interaction, it would betray their callousness and expose how little they think of us.  It should eventually dawn on us that it might not be healthy to pursue a connection with a person who lacks basic human decency–and there are many who merely adapt the appearance of being civilised.

When they pop up casually and resume interactions or communication in a manner which belittles the gravity of their actions, we may find ourselves frozen and our circuits fried enough to not be able to respond in any manner because the mixed signals might be way too much for our brains to handle.  Perhaps it means that, for our own wellbeing, we must merely let the matter drop and not bother figuring it out and move forward without hesitation.

(c) Niconica 2013

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Have we become so jaded that we approach love as a form of power play?  We gauge each move and see whether the other person responds and we weigh our next move accordingly and see whether it would secure us the leverage we wish to prevail in the game? This form of approach is already dubious even outside the realm of romance, because the crafty shrewdness undermines honestly, honour, integrity, and what more, the highest of all virtues, love.

We are so uncomfortable at losing power or control over any situation that if we so much as express more emotion than the other and it is not reciprocated, we feel that we have not made the ‘right’ moves and it confers power upon the other over us.  Perhaps, in a manner of speaking, this is true.  At a base level, a love relationship is not immune to politics and plays for dominance, but this sort of approach demeans what it truly means to be in love with someone.

How averse are we to being hurt that we are willing to protect ourselves at any cost–even from ourselves or from someone else who may break down our walls and love us? There is nothing wrong with loving another, what causes us pain is the expectation that the love would be requited and it need not be. Yes it would be all the lovelier if the love was reciprocated, but it need not be.

We are capable of truly loving all by our lonesome, as sad as it might be.  We may only hope but we may not expect that the other be able to or should be capable of loving us back in the same manner or with the same intensity.  When we love, we must remember that it should be with no strings attached, otherwise, it detracts from the essence of love which gives freely without expecting another in return–though perhaps hoping for reciprocation.

(c) Niconica 2013

 

We have become so sophisticated with so many facets of our lives that it has spilled over to the realm of love and dating.  We have become so versed with saving our faces and advancing our own interest that we have found many ways of being defensive when it comes to relating with another in the realm of love and romance so that we minimise our losses and are able to retract immediately and safely save our faces if it seems that the other is not on the page as us.

We become so obsessed with winning the dating ‘game’ that we lose sight of the bigger picture altogether.  We have convinced ourselves that we date and love in order to advance our self-interest and gain the most advantage without exposing ourselves or being unduly vulnerable or hurt.  If we think about it, this strategy almost sounds like the way we would undergo negotiations for business or even a strategy which might apply to warfare, and it is up for debate whether this is the best way to go about falling in love.

We cannot truly love when we are more obsessed with winning and preserving our own image.  Love entails a certain vulnerability and it is risky up to the point that it may actually be so painful that we may wonder whether we would survive a heartbreak.

We may see someone and wish to gauge whether they love us more and we may employ tactics which would assure us that they love us more or that we would not be hurt, we may also wish to ascertain their emotions for us before we surrender our own.  It is but prudent, yet at the same time, it robs the spontaneity and the raw authenticity which true fiery and passionate love is characterised by.

Love at its purest form is unguarded and undefended.  How often can we say that we have loved like this? Perhaps, we may only recall our adolescent days when we did not know any better–this was the only time wherein we loved with abandon–the first and perhaps even the last time we allowed ourselves to be carried away by our emotions, only to be destroyed by it.

After the first debilitating heartbreak, we start to employ more armour and adapt more defence mechanisms so that we may not experience the destruction and the pain we have gone through the first time around.  It definitely does have its uses, it protects us from completely falling apart and allows us to function without being destroyed.

However, it also takes away the raw beauty of love–the authenticity which is inherently unprotected.  When did we suddenly regard dating and love as a game or a battle where we must win at all costs and make sure that the ‘opponent’ surrenders or submits before we do?  It is true that the person who loves the most is at the mercy of the person who loves less but at the same time, the person who loves the most experiences love in a more genuine manner.

By all means, in business or in our careers, we must strive to ‘win’ and ‘prevail’ but love is not a competition wherein devious strategies would benefit the players.  Love is not even a terrain wherein winning would necessarily benefit anyone.  Sometimes when we are so calculated in the realm of love and even if we feel that we have secured victory by guarded and cautious moves, we have actually lost.

In our unhealthy obsession with winning in the realm of romance, we might actually cheat ourselves out of a wonderful soul-searing and life-changing experience called true love, which entails that we put down all our defences and is counter-intuitive to our notion of self-preservation.

(c) Niconica 2013

 

It is all too temping to think that we may carry on with being cavalier with the feelings of others with impunity because there will come a certain time when it may catch up with us and it will be too late. Without appreciating the perspective of the other side, there are some people who see fit to use people for their own pleasure and gratification without a full appreciation of the other as a human being and it will be to their eventual detriment, in terms of karma as well as their own moral degradation.

Every time we act in a dishonourable manner, we chip away at our moral fibre and before we know it.  There will be none left to speak of and it would almost be a far cry to consider ourselves as human beings worthy of respect. It may be all too enjoyable to use people like they are objects and discard them once something newer catches our eye but it would simply be a waste of a perfectly good karmic account since there is no action that is immune to the laws of cause and effect.

When we hurt another due to our self-interest and for our own benefit, we must not be surprised when what goes around eventually does come around.  By that time, it may be too late to rectify the wrongs which have been committed.  It behooves us to consider that every time we do a hurtful act, we are harming ourselves as well as the other.  When it comes down to it, is the eventual damage and fallout even worth it?

(c) Niconica 2013