When we meet someone who is emotionally unavailable, we must understand that we are dealing with a deliberate defence system which cannot be removed without the person’s consent.  If we think that we can win them over, we might have another thing coming.  There are many reasons for the person not to be int he same emotional readiness as we are and we cannot persuade them to open up just by sheer charm, will, or love.

When we meet such a person we must be wary and accept the unpleasant reality that there is likely not much that we can do about the situation but let them be.  We can attempt to be friends with them in the hope that they miraculously realize that we are really meant for them and consequently script a whole fantasy life as a result of this delusion or we can choose to acknowledge that there is more than the eyes can see in terms of their emotional depth and situation and attempt to move on with our lives.

When we reach a certain age, we ought to have realized that life is complex enough with taking upon ourselves the gargantuan task of making someone love us.  They may not be in the frame of mind to pursue a relationship with us or perhaps there is just a significance difference in life stage.  It might also be that they have other things preoccupying them which causes our efforts and attempts to melt into the background.  Or it might be as simple as they just do not fancy us the same way that we do them.  It might simply be a matter of timing. Whatever it is, when someone states clearly that they are not ready for a relationship, we must take them seriously.

It does not benefit us to think that we are some heroine in a movie who will magically causes their Prince Charming to notice us and change their minds because life does not work that way.  People erect deliberate emotional defences for a reason.  We must respect that.

(c) Niconica 2013

 

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