Along the same lines as the famous Zen koan “What is the sound of one hand clapping?” is our introductory line to today’s topic, “What is the sound of a heart breaking?”

Heartbreak is an intangible yet possibly deadly malady which besieges even the best of us and yet it cannot be concretely beheld or quantified as other illnesses are via blood tests or X-rays.

Yet despite this, we act and react to heartbreak in very real, painful, and sometimes even destructive ways without stopping to be aware that the intangible quality of heartbreak makes it illusory in many ways.

Being hurt or heartbroken is involuntary, no one seeks it out, and when it happens, we may all agree that it is an unpleasant experience but we must attempt to take it seriously only to the extent that we acknowledge to ourselves the pain and the feelings which are concurrent with it, while at the same time taking care not to take it too seriously to the extent that it takes on a life of its own and consumes us.

We must realize that we are feeling great pain because we have involuntarily or instinctively ascribed a value to the person whom we have given the capacity to break our hearts and this value may or may not be accurate.

Beyond the humiliation and hurt of being rejected, we must admit that we may have overestimated the virtues of the person whom we perceive is causing us pain. Beyond a certain period of time for grieving and melancholy, we must ask ourselves why we allow this certain individual or any individual for that matter to hold such power over us.

The extent of the heartbreak is only has real as the value we place on the person whom we desire and this value is illusory–it may be based on perceptions rather than the truth.

Even if it were based on some factual qualities of the person, the value of the person is unrealistic to the extent that we have somehow placed the individual in such as high estimation that we allow them to affect our well being.

The extent of the damage might be real and time would be require to heal, yet the regard we have placed on the person may not be apt, accurate, or deserved. We must keep this in mind when we navigate the perilous terrain of heartbreak–that the extent of it is illusory based on the value we have ascribed upon the person who has caused it–whether or not they deserved to be considered in such lofty regard.

(c) Niconica 2013