Perhaps it is because we are used to the constant motion around us–fast food, fast internet, fast love–that when everything suddenly falls quiet, we go into a tailspin and we wonder what is going on.  It incites anxiety and even panic.  It does happen though and more than once, and to more than just us, that communication with a certain romantic interest suddenly stops, and we wonder whether they have fallen into a black hole or have been eaten up by wolves or something.  As painful as it may be to hear it, chances are, they are completely fine and have all their limbs intact; it’s just that their opposable thumbs or any other finger is occupied with whatever is holding their attention instead of sending us a quick e-mail, a short SMS, or giving us a call as we might have wished.

They have not fallen into the black hole, but we have.  We have fallen into the void.  We find ourselves stuck and lost in a vacuum wondering what happened and what it is that has occurred to cause the ceasing of all communication and we wonder what we have done to cause it.  We then sink into a depressive reverie which we should eventually manage to extricate ourselves from, for our own good.  They might have a perfectly good reason for not contacting us that has nothing to do with us, or on the other hand, they might just not be inclined to continue further contact with us because we might have fallen into the background noise in their lives, or they might actually be avoiding us.

Short of confronting them about not being able to warrant their attention, or manipulating them, we must eventually come to terms with the fact that we cannot fore anyone to sincerely communicate with us.  Manipulation and guilt trips backfire on us because it takes too much trouble to sustain and even if we have the energy and the time to do so, we would know deep inside that whatever they are giving us is not out of their own volition and this will eventually consume us–if it doesn’t, it should. It is not pleasant to be in the chasm of not knowing what is going on and why we are not hearing from them, but we must grapple and eventually accept that this is out of our control, and what is in our control is our own lives, and our own actions.

It may not be easy to reconcile the painful sensation of being rejected, ignored, or overlooked but if we have at least three decades in us or more, chances are, we have survived worst than this communication blackout and we will just learn to call it a day and move forward.  We can tell ourselves that we have given our best effort to earnestly initiate a romantic connection with someone and it has not been reciprocated.  And this is all we could have done, because there is such a thing as free will and it is crucial to be able to respect and remember this fact.

(c) Niconica 2013

 

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