We always like to deceive ourselves when someone does not reciprocate our feelings and we tell ourselves that they are ’emotionally unavailable’ for a myriad of reasons which might be or not be true. The truth is that these reasons are irrelevant because if they had really wanted to be with us, they would not be unavailable despite past or present unfortunate circumstances.

People are unavailable to the people whom they choose to not spend time with and asking them for a clarification becomes an invitation to hear more alibis from them which perpetuate the cycle of our self-deception.

Can we really expect people to tell us point blank that they don’t want to hear from us to meet up with us when we ask them? The best and most used excuse to let someone down gently is to claim that we would be ‘too busy’ to meet up and allow them to read between the lines.

However, when being served with this bittersweet dish of rejection, we might choose to take the excuse at face value and attribute it as a valid reason for lack of contact from them instead of facing the harsh truth that we are being shown the door.

We then torture ourselves by wondering why their words and actions seem to be dissonant. We wonder why someone who promised to call or agreed to go out with us is suddenly nowhere to be found. We would then be tempted to attribute it to the notion that the person is emotionally unavailable or incapable of being in a relationship when the real reason is that they are neither emotionally unavailable nor incapable of committing.

The truth is that they are not interested and are hoping that we are able to discern the ‘nice’ rejection they have relayed to us and get a clue and cease all hope, pursuit, and interest. Savvy?

(c) Niconica 2013

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