We reach a certain life stage where we have experienced enough upheavals in our life in both personal and romantic relationships that we have learned a certain amount of caution when dealing with this facet of our lives because we have undergone the disruptions which a broken heart causes to our daily functioning.

Only a few brave and/or well-adjusted, and might I add, lucky souls are equanimous with allowing oneself to risk the pain by vulnerable and open to love. For the rest of us who think we know better, we proceed to view romance as a transactional reciprocity, watching and measuring how much the other does for us to assess whether it is safe for us to invest more time and emotion into the relationship.

This mechanistic view of relationships may keep us feeling safe and sane but we actually stop using our emotions properly and we artificially block it with logic and reason thinking it might keep us safe but ultimately it just further boxes us in the prison we have created where we might not get too hurt since we don’t allow ourselves to feel too much.

We also think that logic may prevail in assessing whether a romantic situation can be feasible and when logic is applied, we may see all the reasons not to proceed because the person, the situation, and the circumstances would be far from ideal and we would talk ourselves out of standing on an emotional ledge and this is wonderful if we are then able to walk away and not allow ourselves to be affected by the object of our affections by virtue of good sense.

However, in such cases when involuntary emotional reactions prevail we find ourselves back on the emotional ledge unable to walk away or stay away and we can stay there frozen or we can take the leap into the unknown and risk getting hurt and all the other consequences of openly acknowledging our feelings for someone and at the mercy of their decision to reciprocate the feelings or reject us.

No one welcomes or enjoys reaction and we will naturally employ all the means to delay knowing whether it’s a no or it’s a go and we may allow the situation to drag on up to a certain point when we either give up and let go or just decide to find out what the real score is so that we may be able to reach a resolution one way or another.

When we have wrestled with our better judgement and decided to openly express our interest, fully knowing that it places is in the vulnerable position of getting hurt, we might reluctantly realize that for all the benefits logic confers it does not hold up to love and does not protect us from having deep emotional attachments for someone.

We might further realize that when it comes to love, there’s a certain potency and incorrigibility which logic, judgement and reason cannot reach or rectify. We realize that without knowing how or why, we are in the deep end… and boy are we in trouble.

(c) Niconica 2013

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