There are certain situations when we find ourselves seemingly mutually attracted with a romantic interest and yet despite some ambiguous indications of affection or interest, we do not receive any solid declaration of feelings and when the situation is drawn out long enough, the lines become blurred and we wonder whether our senses are playing tricks on us and whether we are investing time and emotion on an affectionate but ambiguous friendship or setting the foundation for something more.

When the thrill of receiving vague but sweet romantic overtures wear off, we are left confused and disoriented whether we imagined the interest we received and we are spurred to ask the hard questions and finally come out in the open and risk rejection by expressing how we feel and asking the other where we stand.

Many of us get stuck in the ambiguous stage of mutual attraction because we are afraid to be the first one to show our cards and be in a position of vulnerability and this is why romantic mindgames ensue. However, sooner or later, one person starts to develop deeper and more intense feelings for the other and staying in the gray area does not suffice anymore.

Despite the temptation to overlook the issue and take a more passive stance and hope that the situation would resolve itself and dissolve or that the object of our affections might finally leave ambiguous overtures behind and confess their feelings, it takes real courage to value oneself enough to realize that precious time is being wasted on what could be an imaginary romantic interaction and that answers were called for.

We don’t like to be in the position where we initiate admitting our feelings because it feels like we are putting ourself in a weaker position–the position where we risk hurt and rejection and this is why we find all sorts of excuses to allow the other to take the lead and we become responders to the stimuli which they may deign to provide in their own time without realizing that in doing so, it can’t get much lower than that because this is the weakest emotional position already.

In asking the hard questions and clarifying where we stand, we might risk losing the other person but at least we would not be in the position of having our emotional well-being continuously disrespected by someone who just views us as an amusing pastime while we take them seriously. In asking them to make a de soon, we make them think twice about continuing to send the mixed signals which lead us on and cause us much grief when they don’t follow through with their false promises.

In asking the hard questions, we draw the line and refuse to continue to be the victim of a person who is selfish and cavalier with other people’s feelings. And even without a response, we would realize that if they were sincerely interested, it wouldn’t reach the point where we would be placed in a position where we have to initiate asking the hard questions in the first place. And if this is the case, good riddance.

(c) Niconica 2013

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