Sometimes when we aren’t quite sure about how we feel about someone, we are fine when we find ourselves in a gray area and the ambiguity might even appear to be safe. It can be the standard mode when friendship might possibly turn into romance and the initial stages can be understandably confusing and fraught with mixed signals and tentative steps to test the waters.

However, when this tentative stage lasts longer than a few months, it begins to lose functionality and starts to become a waste of time and effort, filled with second-guessing and an on-again off-again pattern that may be thrilling and excruciating and it is this emotional rollercoaster that eventually leaves us nauseous and disoriented.

Eventually the person who cares more in this interaction gets tired of the endless push and pull and instead of withdrawing into a depressive funk, should decide where one stands and summon the courage to call a spade a spade. If one person were more open than the other and is transparent about their feelings and intentions, this emotional rollercoaster would not exist in the first place.

This unhealthy situation is caused by both people unwilling to step up and who may be waiting for the other to show their cards first so as not to risk vulnerability and therefore participating in a mindgame that may be indefinite and cause a lot more unnecessary misunderstanding.

Eventually one person has to be brave enough to risk rejection and be vulnerable in order to end this vicious cycle because it consumes the previous commodity called time. This ambiguous pursuing and distancing and playing it safe may be amusing or entertaining during high school years when there was more time and emotion to spare, but during adulthood, there are plenty of other concerns and responsibilities which have to be balanced with romance and one simply should not be able to spare time for someone who may be leading us on or playing with our feelings.

We may be tempted to let the situation continue and hoping for it to end naturally but it may risk a lot of heartache and guessing games as well as precious time when we may be moving forward either by dealing with the rejection and moving towards healing or knowing where the other stands and being able to reach a further understanding of how to proceed.

Things can only be at a standstill for a limited period of time before it becomes idiotic for the person who cares more because one becomes at the mercy of the other party’s whims and timing and it’s not a way to live, it would increase resentment and contempt which might lead to not even having any friendship to speak of at the end of the debacle.

There is no perfect time to be vulnerable so one might as well get it over and done with as soon as the notion that enough is enough fortunately crosses one’s mind. Without giving an ultimatum or unfairly demanding commitment or naught. One can share the position one is in and request a clarification of the situation so that the whole interaction may be viewed in an accurate perspective and proceed accordingly.

Jumping off the emotional rollercoaster isn’t easy however the longer you are stuck in it, the more you risk to lose–your sanity, your self-respect, and precious moments of your life when you can be engaged in other more worthwhile pursuit.

(c) Niconica 2013

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