For all our sophisticated technology and intricate systems of thought, there is nothing so simple and so effective as the truth. The truth is pure enough that it holds true through the test of time and space, and sometimes, all it takes it the truth ‘to set us free’ as trite as it sounds, it is a cliche for a reason because it holds water.
Closure is essential when we conclude a relationship and wish to move on and as many external ways there is to cope with a break-up, there is only one essential ingredient to internally coping with it and it is being honest with oneself and the other about what has transpired and what can and cannot be mended, brushing off the dust, and moving forward.
There are many stop-gap measures to artificially mimic closure which includes jumping into a rebound relationship, badmouthing one’s ex, pretending that the ex or the relationship never existed, or avoiding meeting the ex or anything having to do with the ex for as long as possible. True closure involves being able to encounter the ex (whether online or in person) without ill feelings.
It is a pity that the worst break-ups which need the dose of the truth are often the ones which are not afforded the much needed post-break-up decompression discussion between both parties after a reasonable period of introspection and separation which allows both people to lick their own wounds and consider contact again.
Often when exes meet up they are compelled to show a brave face to each other and keep up the false front of nonchalance and feign smiles to show that they are fine and everything is back to normal. Perhaps there is the intention of being in good terms with the ex, but intentions are often not enough. It is this artificial sweetness piled up on top of damage that causes the situation to continue to be unresolved.
However, we are masters of escapism, what with so many distractions abound, we think that we can distract ourselves away from the fundamentals of relationships and human interaction where the truth counts for more than all the elaborate speeches and twisted mind games we can come up with. Granted, the truth is not usually pretty, which is why we would love to cover it up with frills and flowers for as long as possible, but at a price.
Sharing our truths with an ex is not an excuse to attack or bash the other person. If one is still angry, resentful, or hurt enough to be incapable of genuine goodwill in interacting with one’s ex to seek closure, then one should stay away. However, when one is mature enough to realize that many a relationship’s demise requires a decompression period and a summary discussion which allows for genuine closure, healing, and freedom, it can be the time to step forward and share one’s truth with the other with no expectations of redemption or vindication, as much as one is tempted to have such.
Break-ups are complicated and both parties cannot be expected to be in the same mind space and our responsibility should only be to ourselves, to speak our truths with love and respect for the other person’s feelings, and when we have done so, irrespective of whether the other person responds or not, we must back off and live our own lives to the best of our ability.
We must remember that we cannot be in control of another’s response or reaction; however, we are in control of and responsible for our own actions and reactions. Telling our truth is never simple nor is it easy but it has value to our well-being.
(c) Niconica 2012