Misunderstandings are inevitable in relationships or pseudo-relationships for that matter, as is miscommunication. What enables it to recover is the underlying trust that exists between the partners. It’s the sort of trust where we do not feel that it is unsafe to be ourselves or to disagree. It’s the safety net where you know that the person will not permanently discard or stonewall us and we would be able to negotiate, discuss, and recover from whatever disagreement is present.

It is the understanding that despite difficulties, no one is running away or breaking up with the other. This understanding is built on trust and respect. The sort of respect where despite misgivings, imperfection, and difficulties, we don’t go beyond a certain level of conduct where words will not be suffice to heal the damage. It also involves the sort of trust where despite anything which might be occurring we believe that our partner, despite instinctively watching out for their best interest, will not harbor any malicious or harmful intent towards us.

It is upon these pillars of trust and respect that resiliency is built. The continuous existence of a relationship relies on the capacity for resiliency despite difficulties, challenges, and misunderstandings. Resiliency dictates whether the relationship will stand the test of time and continue to heal and recover from overcoming difficulties.

Resiliency only goes up until a certain point–it should be within reason and where no partner is being unjustly or cruelly harmed in the relationship. This prescribed resiliency applies to healthy relationships and not to pathological ones where differences can never, might never, or should never be resolved.

Healthy resiliency finds us able to forgive the other and ourselves, able to leave the past behind, and able to work things out and start afresh. In this manner, the relationship (or pseudo-relationship) might actually stand a chance.

(c) Niconica 2012

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