I wasn’t pleased with the prospect of being “just friends” with someone I am romantically attracted to and it was certainly no fun to be “rejected” and relegated to the friends category. Eventhough I might still harbor romantic feelings for the person, I’m starting to enjoy the “just friends” situation because, after all the misunderstandings, disappointments, and conflict, this settling for being just friends seems almost acceptable as long as there is no extensive discussion of other romantic partners.

Since I’ve settled for this just friends situation, I’ve also adjusted my expectations and it’s been more relaxed. When we are actively desiring someone, the situation becomes more sensitive and possibly volatile with all the expectations hovering about in the air. When we accept the situation that friendship is the only thing they are able to offer and realise that if we choose to remain in their lives, we would have to adjust to this reality, expectations are tempered.

It is in this atmosphere of friendship where we become more ourselves and do get to know the other person better without editing ourselves to impress the other as we are wont to do when we are hoping to have something more than friendship with the person. When we relax into this state, we must enjoy it as much as we can because the duration can be temporary depending upon whether our romantic interest for the person waxes or wanes.

Meanwhile, we must realise that it is in the state of friendship when we actually do get to know the person and see whether they measure up to our fantasy of them as seen through the rose-tinted lenses of our infatuation which might have spurred us to just jump in without further ado. It is in being friends with the person that we actually get a clearer idea of how things would work since both people relax and become more themselves as a genuine friendship progresses. Friendship is a solid cornerstone for long term partnerships and more often than not, with the rush of hormones, we skip this step for the delights of instant gratification and realise somewhere down the road that we barely know the person we are with.

It may be a disappointment to us that the other party is only interested in friendship. However, should we choose to be part of their lives to some capacity, and if it doesn’t tax our emotions overmuch, this might be the alternative option to consider.

(c) Niconica 2012