Perspective counts a lot when considering a friendship with an ex one still has feelings for. With a convoluted history, present interactions may still be fraught with landmines. Feelings are volatile and everything is simply not at cheery as we wish it to be.

I’ve always admired people who can be truly friends with their ex because it’s not an easy task when intense feelings have been involved and the dissolution of the relationship unpleasant. I’ve attempted to resolve my feelings for this particular ex so many times but it eludes me.

For someone who usually runs from their past, actually sincerely attempting a friendship is not a simple matter and requires some semblance on commitment to the endeavor. Again this is where perspective comes in.

If one views the past as an indication of the future outcome then the present attempt at getting to know each other once again is moot. However, if one views the past as a lesson learned and believes that the future builds upon overcoming the failures of the past, then one may proceed cautiously.

With a lot of water under the bridge, there is every reason that one person might bolt at any time during this dance because there is every possibility that old feelings might resurface and engulf one person and things become hard to handle. In the case where one person is not at the same psychological space as the other, unrequited feelings might also be cause for concern.

There is every reason to avoid going down the path which has burned us before and yet at the same time, the tempting familiarity and the hope that maybe we might be able to redeem ourselves somehow play a factor in the situation.

When we decide to be friends with an ex whom we have unresolved feelings for, caution should be exercised upon proceeding. Emotional risk is part of the equation and it is not the run of the mill emotional risk but a more intense one because of the open wound. Is it worth it? Do we put our heart on the line? It’s certainly a gamble. Considering the stakes, do we go ahead and place our bet?

(c) Niconica 2012

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