Misunderstandings are inevitable in relationships or pseudo-relationships for that matter, as is miscommunication. What enables it to recover is the underlying trust that exists between the partners. It’s the sort of trust where we do not feel that it is unsafe to be ourselves or to disagree. It’s the safety net where you know that the person will not permanently discard or stonewall us and we would be able to negotiate, discuss, and recover from whatever disagreement is present.
It is the understanding that despite difficulties, no one is running away or breaking up with the other. This understanding is built on trust and respect. The sort of respect where despite misgivings, imperfection, and difficulties, we don’t go beyond a certain level of conduct where words will not be suffice to heal the damage. It also involves the sort of trust where despite anything which might be occurring we believe that our partner, despite instinctively watching out for their best interest, will not harbor any malicious or harmful intent towards us.
It is upon these pillars of trust and respect that resiliency is built. The continuous existence of a relationship relies on the capacity for resiliency despite difficulties, challenges, and misunderstandings. Resiliency dictates whether the relationship will stand the test of time and continue to heal and recover from overcoming difficulties.
Resiliency only goes up until a certain point–it should be within reason and where no partner is being unjustly or cruelly harmed in the relationship. This prescribed resiliency applies to healthy relationships and not to pathological ones where differences can never, might never, or should never be resolved.
Healthy resiliency finds us able to forgive the other and ourselves, able to leave the past behind, and able to work things out and start afresh. In this manner, the relationship (or pseudo-relationship) might actually stand a chance.
(c) Niconica 2012
I wasn’t pleased with the prospect of being “just friends” with someone I am romantically attracted to and it was certainly no fun to be “rejected” and relegated to the friends category. Eventhough I might still harbor romantic feelings for the person, I’m starting to enjoy the “just friends” situation because, after all the misunderstandings, disappointments, and conflict, this settling for being just friends seems almost acceptable as long as there is no extensive discussion of other romantic partners.
Since I’ve settled for this just friends situation, I’ve also adjusted my expectations and it’s been more relaxed. When we are actively desiring someone, the situation becomes more sensitive and possibly volatile with all the expectations hovering about in the air. When we accept the situation that friendship is the only thing they are able to offer and realise that if we choose to remain in their lives, we would have to adjust to this reality, expectations are tempered.
It is in this atmosphere of friendship where we become more ourselves and do get to know the other person better without editing ourselves to impress the other as we are wont to do when we are hoping to have something more than friendship with the person. When we relax into this state, we must enjoy it as much as we can because the duration can be temporary depending upon whether our romantic interest for the person waxes or wanes.
Meanwhile, we must realise that it is in the state of friendship when we actually do get to know the person and see whether they measure up to our fantasy of them as seen through the rose-tinted lenses of our infatuation which might have spurred us to just jump in without further ado. It is in being friends with the person that we actually get a clearer idea of how things would work since both people relax and become more themselves as a genuine friendship progresses. Friendship is a solid cornerstone for long term partnerships and more often than not, with the rush of hormones, we skip this step for the delights of instant gratification and realise somewhere down the road that we barely know the person we are with.
It may be a disappointment to us that the other party is only interested in friendship. However, should we choose to be part of their lives to some capacity, and if it doesn’t tax our emotions overmuch, this might be the alternative option to consider.
(c) Niconica 2012
So imagine building something from the ground up for over a decade and you’ve only gotten so far, when you’re suddenly asked to team up with a group of other people who haven’t even managed to dig the ground to lay in their foundations and with only so much time, you’re called to help them with helping them lay their foundations and while at first the idea of being altruistic has its appeal, the reality does not quite live up to the picture especially when many of them practically lean back and watch you do their job for them–partly due to ignorance, partly due to complacence, and partly due to irresponsibility.
The idea of selflessness looks good on paper but it almost seems to border negligence of one’s own affairs when one can’t realistically take care of two things at the same time. It is at this moment when one tows the line between selflessness and selfishness–to look after oneself first or to help others at one’s own risk or look out for one’s own best interest. It seems so easy to work out on paper–with all the self-help literature out there about being a good soul and helping others, but it’s not as easy to make the same choices in real life, when one has toiled alone for so long in building something from the ground up–and there is still so much to do.
Granted, these others have not had the experience of laying their foundations yet and are in sore need for someone to show them the way–even down to holding a shovel and such, what type of cement to pour, and what wood to be used. To them, the little foundation that you have built seems to be a monument compared to their raw patch of land in need of tilling and the question remains–is it really you’re business or duty to help them when they cannot help themselves out of a unique blend of their own flaws and ignorance, and after they have caused you so much trouble–taking time away from your own precious building project. Do you really have that much time, effort, and energy to spare to hone them–and, should you?
(c) Niconica 2012
I’ve recently updated the mobile WordPress app on my iPhone and I’m pleaded to say that it’s much smoother to use than the previous version. I just noticed the option available of being able to take photos or use existing photos and have yet to try it out.
I have been posting via my WordPress mobile app for most of the year, except for a few instances. I usually like to have photos accompanying my post but however had to forego it because it was inconvenient to use the previous version of the WordPress app to upload photos. We shall see how this current update of the app goes.
The user interface of this update is much more pleasant and the menu available is more comprehensive and more interactive than the previous version. I’m looking forward to more improvements on the WordPress mobile app because posting from my iPhone has grown on me whereas when my laptop died end of last year, I wasn’t excited about the prospect of posting from my mobile.
Now, it’s actually become more pleasant because of this updated version. Thank you WordPress for the new and improved version of the WordPress mobile app.
(c) Niconica 2012
There have been rebound relationships which have worked out, but they are few and far between. Most rebound relationships crash and burn painfully. Warnings should be issued to anyone embarking on a rebound relationship.
Chances are, when you are on a rebound, you are still smarting from the previous relationship and mired in unresolved issues that you are not thinking straight, no matter how much you claim to be over the previous partner and claim to be ready for this new one.
On the other hand, if you are the person attempting to get into a relationship with a person on the rebound, you should think twice about what you are getting yourself in for because you might end up paying for the sins of the previous partner.
Unresolved issues and unresolved feelings from a precious relationship becomes toxic for the rebound relationship when there has not been enough time for the person on the rebound to heal from the wounds and let go of the past.
Timing is everything and this very crucial factor could be what makes or breaks an otherwise workable relationship. Developing and maintaining a friendship with the potential partner is a good idea during the mourning period of the previous relationship.
This breathing period is crucial to the well-being of the upcoming relationship. The important step of taking it slow and allowing the newly single person to collect themselves, heal, and prepare themselves could make or break the forthcoming relationship.
(c) Niconica 2012
Perspective counts a lot when considering a friendship with an ex one still has feelings for. With a convoluted history, present interactions may still be fraught with landmines. Feelings are volatile and everything is simply not at cheery as we wish it to be.
I’ve always admired people who can be truly friends with their ex because it’s not an easy task when intense feelings have been involved and the dissolution of the relationship unpleasant. I’ve attempted to resolve my feelings for this particular ex so many times but it eludes me.
For someone who usually runs from their past, actually sincerely attempting a friendship is not a simple matter and requires some semblance on commitment to the endeavor. Again this is where perspective comes in.
If one views the past as an indication of the future outcome then the present attempt at getting to know each other once again is moot. However, if one views the past as a lesson learned and believes that the future builds upon overcoming the failures of the past, then one may proceed cautiously.
With a lot of water under the bridge, there is every reason that one person might bolt at any time during this dance because there is every possibility that old feelings might resurface and engulf one person and things become hard to handle. In the case where one person is not at the same psychological space as the other, unrequited feelings might also be cause for concern.
There is every reason to avoid going down the path which has burned us before and yet at the same time, the tempting familiarity and the hope that maybe we might be able to redeem ourselves somehow play a factor in the situation.
When we decide to be friends with an ex whom we have unresolved feelings for, caution should be exercised upon proceeding. Emotional risk is part of the equation and it is not the run of the mill emotional risk but a more intense one because of the open wound. Is it worth it? Do we put our heart on the line? It’s certainly a gamble. Considering the stakes, do we go ahead and place our bet?
(c) Niconica 2012
For the longest time I’ve wanted to be vegetarian and thankfully I was successfully able to commit to it this year. I don’t take commitments lightly which accounted for my delay in becoming vegetarian. I was simply unsure whether I would be able to live up to resisting my previous favorite dishes. I was not sure whether I would be strong enough to let go of my attachments to consuming meat and seafood and whether I would be able to overcome my desire for the delicious dishes I have been so accustomed to ingesting.
I have now been vegetarian for almost four months and was flexitarian for a couple if months prior to that and had for almost 10 years not taken any red meat. As a creature of habit who enjoys food very much, this life change is not an easy decision to make and really required serious motivation to do so.
I’m still adjusting to it and do feel energetically lighter, though I get hungry more easily because digestion is quicker. As someone who is into spirituality and metaphysics, I feel that vegetarianism is a worthy lifestyle though it needs to be entered into with careful nutritional consideration and perhaps the support of food supplements to be able to meet all the body’s nutritional requirements.
Just like all commitments, it’s not always blue skies… There are ups and downs along the path and I suspect there would be more realizations and adjustments along the way but I am glad to be able to be on this path which creates causes for long life.
Ingesting corpses of other living brings includes ingesting the energy of their distress upon being slaughtered for their meat. The toxins they release upon their passing cannot be good for our health, even if it tastes good. However, being able to overcome our desire for delicious food is not an easy feat and a constant renewal of our commitment to being vegetarian becomes the challenge during this initial period. All change requires a period of adjustment and as long as we keep our eye on the rewards of being vegetarian, it is ultimately worth the effort.
(c) Niconica 2012