Dear [You]

There was a time when I trusted you with my emotional and psychological safety, just when everything was new. I did not know you well then but I felt a an intangible attraction and was interested in getting to know you better.

I did not know then that cruelty slides off your tongue easily and callousness wrapped you naturally. I did not know that you had no qualms about jumping to conclusions and ruthlessly acting upon those assumptions without giving second thoughts to the feelings which might be bruised.

It was badly handled indeed and it’s too bad that words cannot be unsaid. It was uncalled for but it’s too bad that time cannot be reversed. It was unnecessarily hurtful but the damage cannot be undone.

We are friends but it doesn’t erase what has been said and done. I am unable to walk away yet but it doesn’t mean that things will proceed as they were before because as I cannot detach yet, I hold you at arm’s length to protect myself. I am here but not because I want to but because I cannot walk away and it’s not an ideal situation at the very least.

It’s too bad because I could have loved you and it could have worked, but now even if it does, it’s tainted by the reckless way feelings were handled all because you rashly acted out and projected upon me the issues of your past. It’s too bad but I am here simply because I am yet unable to leave but I don’t want to stay.

I am waiting for the exit and I’m praying that I would one day not feel a compulsion to keep in touch with you. As everything has an end, I am praying for that end. It’s too bad that you think I am here because I want to be. It’s too bad that you think that there won’t be a point in time where enough will be enough. It’s too bad, because one day, it’ll be the welcome end to this situation and I’ll be the first one to rejoice and you’ll still think otherwise.

From
[Me]

(c) Niconica 2012

Advertisements