Archives for the month of: May, 2012

Every once so often we fall for the wrong person–the person who appears to be heartless and insensitive perhaps as a result of their psychological make-up intermingling with the fact that they have not been hurt before and do not imagine that they will ever be on the receiving side of hurt and pain.

The fact that they have never been hurt before should not be taken against them for it is enviable to have not been crushed before but it is the fact that they have never been hurt before compounded by their lack of empathy and compassion which contribute to their callousness. It is this special blend of being lucky and a certain lack of humanity which peppers interactions with them as cruel when they are in a lousy mood, callous or insensitive when they are in an indifferent mood, and nice when they are in a good mood and they deign to humor our bids for attention.

There is no excuse for this particular brand of insensitivity except for the blatant fact that it marks them as unfeeling human beings who think that they will not one day get what they dish out. It may not be within this lifetime but it will come and it will catch them unawares and amazed at how life can be so cruel to them.

There is a certain level of decency required within the realms of human interaction and rejecting the romantic advances of a person is part of the game but there is an acceptable way of going about it. Subjecting someone to periodic doses of one’s cruelty and insensitivity is not even remotely acceptable conduct with one’s friends, what more with someone we are considering as a romantic possibility.

Abusing someone’s good nature and goodwill only goes so far. It is better to forego all contact altogether than to maintain contact which includes passive aggressive behaviour, mocking, condescension, contempt, and callousness which might be behaviour one might imagine someone would exhibit to their enemy.

We do not have to be pushovers and accept every romantic overture like a patsy but we do not have to be pricks during interactions, forgetting conveniently that the person in the other end has feelings too.

Heartless people have their wires crossed at the most basic level–thinking that cruel or insensitive words and behaviour are acceptable when they are not on the receiving end of it… And they will continue to do so unless something so irreversibly painfully traumatic occurs that it will jog them to their senses and realise that their lack of decency is not pleasant to deal with at all. Until then, they will continue to rack up karmic demerits which they will have to pay for eventually. Someday, somehow. And it won’t be pretty. But it will be too late to turn back the clock.

(c) Niconica 2012.

As humans we search for belonging and when we find that community where there is a genuine trust and respect which have built up due to having endured high-pressure situations and challenges together, it can be said to be a blessing.

A community which is built from this sense of belonging becomes thriving and peaceful at the same time, but not without needing to remove individuals who are detrimental to the psychological wellbeing of the group.

Belonging is a priceless feeling and is one of the factors of being able to build a successful, dynamic and harmonious community which can really make a difference.

(c) Niconica 2012

There is an age old adage which admonishes us to stop beating a dead horse which is to say that we must stop all futile attempts however in real life it’s easier said than done. We all tend to follow our habituations and attempt to do what another adage defines as insanity–doing the same thing and expecting different results.

It’s exponentially hard in the realm of romance when our better judgement is clouded by our desire for someone and we desperately want them to reciprocate our feelings for them. We tend to think that hard work would pay off but more often than not, it doesn’t work or is counter-productive. On the off chance that our persistence does reap rewards, the results might either be short-lived or half-baked-or both.

The key is being able to recognize a list cause and being able to conjure up the willpower to walk away from something or someone whom we really fancy and save ourselves the wastes time and effort. In order to stop beating a dead horse, so to speak, we must first recognize that the horse is indeed dead. Coming to this realization through the fog of our denial isn’t easy when we vehemently wish this were not the case. However, sooner or later the facts catch up with us and we must face reality and walk away from a hopeless situation.

(c) Niconica 2012

Have you had that awkward moment where you realize that you perhaps feel more towards a friend than you should and suddenly you see them in a different light–a light which wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place?

It’s an awkward moment when our feelings go beyond what we expect and place us in a potentially painful situation especially when the person has clearly stated their intention to be merely friends with us.

We, of course, don’t let on that we feel the way we do towards them and proceed to maintain amicable relations while perhaps internally panicking and processing what can be done to deal with the situation especially when the other person’s stance appears to be quite fixed.

Perhaps we realize that we need to back off and let a bit more time pass for the awkwardness to wash off and perhaps it’s also because we would need to distance ourselves from someone whom we feel more for than we should.

Perhaps we might realize through several repeats of distancing ourselves and becoming close once again with the person who has caught our eye (and perhaps our heart) that we cannot handle being in contact with them anymore because it would get awkward at best and intensely painful at worst.

Perhaps what the awkward moment is telling us is that we can’t handle being just friends with someone whom we feel more for than they do for us. Perhaps it might be time to back off and let go.

(c) Niconica 2012

To paraphrase Proust, all our final decisions are made in a fleeting state of mind and it couldn’t be more true. We always think we know what we are about and something comes in and changes the equation completely.

We must be careful about stating things with finality because change is constant and we don’t know what the next few minutes, much less, the next few hours or days have in store for us.

We should stand firm with our decisions and by no means be flaky but at the same time, we must have the courage, vigilance, and openness to the possibility of adjusting our course and being more flexible to adapt to different circumstances.

The trouble with so-called final decisions is that they are never really set in stone because there is always a possibility that somewhere down the line we end up eating our words. Before that happens, we must be careful with what we say, lest we regret them and worst, have to backtrack and amend them because no one can really say what the future holds.

(c) Niconica 2012