Archives for the month of: September, 2011

It’s not as simple as flicking a switch on and off.  It starts with simple conversations, chats, and/or e-mails and these seemingly benign interactions lead our affections to be caught in a situation where there is no easy way out.

It used to be that any indication of conflict lead me to conclude that the potential romantic situation is not viable, however, as the situation progresses, it doesn’t seem to follow that we can pull ourselves out as we think we should.

It seems that simple logic does not apply when it comes to matters of the heart. This irrational train of thought is what keeps us enmeshed in a situation long after its expiration date.

Somehow after the arguments have passed, when we think back on them, they don’t seem as horrible as they actually were–and this could actually be a blessing or a curse, depending on how everything plays out.

While we try to figure out the mystery as to why we allow ourselves to stay enmeshed in the situation–no matter how good or bad–we get some inkling that perhaps there are some factors or elements in the situation which serves our purpose consciously or subconsciously.

In prolonging or sustaining the situation, there might be something in it that feeds us–and it’s hard to admit this, but we would eventually realize that in coming clean with ourselves with our motivations would be a step towards the truth–as beautiful or as ugly as it may be–and perhaps lead us to greater self-understanding or maybe eventually, to emotional freedom.

(c) Niconica 2011*

*does not apply to image/s

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We are often warned about people “bad people” and “enemies” but little information follows to help us identify the culprits.

As much as we would like that horrible people be identified as clearly as cartoon villains, we must be aware that these beings who have dark souls have perfected their disguise in order to victimize and subsequently harm more people. They are the “wolves in sheep’s clothing.”

These so-called undercover “wolves” are clever with masking their true intentions.  It would be wise to pay attention to their actions more than their words–as it would not be surprising that their words would be artful and easy on the ears.

Through the course of knowing them, there would be little clues which seep out, but we are often guilty of participating in their trickery through our tendency to be denial when the telltale signs pop up, especially when we are the types who like to avoid conflict.

The conflict avoidance route usually does not lead to any favorable outcomes, and eventually the painful truth would come out since the “wolves” would be true to their nature and eventually “go for the kill”– whether it be going for our hearts, minds, souls, psyche, or self-esteem–and the undeniable and ugly truth is starting us in the face.

When (and not if) this situation comes to pass… it would be best to put our foot down and not allow the predators to hurt us further by remaining in contact with them or in their general vicinity.   We must not allow for or provide any opportunity for them to further exploit our kindness (and/or stupidity).

Engaging them further would be a further waste of time since there is nothing we can do to change anyone (and any illusions towards the contrary is ill-advised).  It would not be advisable to argue or “discuss” matters with them nor would it be beneficial to “make them understand”.

Accepting their habitual and well-crafted apologies would be hazardous to our well-being since it would lead us back into the vicious cycle–and it’s anyone’s guess as to when we’ll be able to emerge from it in one piece–or at all.

What to do then? Cut off all ties and contact to abhorrent individuals such as these. Let go, live your own life, and be vigilant so that this unfortunate situation may not occur again with the same–or another–“wolf in sheep’s clothing.”

(c) Niconica 2011*

*does not apply to image/s

There’s a relationship known as the pursuer-distancer dynamic where one partner does the chasing and the other one eludes the chaser but just enough to keep the relationship going.  It is said that the roles are fairly set.  In such cases, it can be said that the distancer can be the commitment-phobe.

However in the case of two commitment-phobes in a dysfunctional dynamic, that the roles of pursuer-distancer flips around automatically depending on the circumstances. When one decides to pursue, the other distances themselves and vice versa, and it can be a never-ending game of cat and mouse.

Until the fear of commitment is resolved in both parties, it can continue indefinitely much to the frustration and chagrin of one or both parties and one person usually does end up with the shorter end of the stick–the one who cares more.

(c) Niconica 2011*

*does not apply to image/s