Archives for the month of: June, 2011





















(c) Niconica 2011*

*does not apply to images

Basically what we are talking about now are tattered and leftover hearts from previous emotional casualties. Everyone around me seems to be either in relationships or are still not over previous relationships.

It doesn’t matter whether the relationship ended a few months ago or a few years ago, but there are a lot of seemingly available people who are really not available due to their unresolved issues.

So the question is, do we really want other people’s emotional leftovers and/or sloppy seconds?  It’s not a matter of unrealistic expectations of finding someone brand new and undamaged–because what are the chances of that.

It’s more on being able to find someone who has already worked through their issues already, who is viable for an actual commitment and relationship, and/or who is not carrying any form of emotional baggage all over the place.

It’s not so easy to find someone who is in such a position in their lives, but it is possible.  It’s just that it is infinitely better to be dealing with someone who is primed for commitment and a relationship rather than having to  sort through the debris of previous wreckage wrought by someone else.

It might feel that sewing up a tattered teddy (or person, in this case) would seem like an interesting hobby or pastime but beyond the good intentions, find an actual teddy or another hobby, for trying to save or patch up a person is often more trouble than it is worth.  It would furthermore turn out to be a constant cycle of saving and repairing the other person–and often at the expense of our own well-being.

Think twice about indulging in rebound relationships or jumping into a situation with someone who is clearly not ready for whatever reason, because moving forward without thinking too much about the factors and the consequence might eventually cause you your emotional sanity.

(c) Niconica 2011*

*does not apply to image/s

It’s funny how we end up getting along with unexpected people. I’d met him a couple of years back and only in passing, I would never have thought that we would end up getting along so well.

There’s something to be said about a playful exchange of ideas combined with an intuitive understanding of the person accented by open lines of communication.

It’s one of the better way to make friends and unlike my previous posts, even if there are things which need to be explained, at least it’s more infrequent and not a lot of things get lost in translation, which is really saying something.

While I enjoy meeting people and getting to know them and their stories on a more detached, objective, inquisitive level, I revel in making new friends–genuine connections which make life more colorful and interesting–and this is a step up than just chitchat and getting acquainted with people and establishing a friendly but passing rapport.

If time and space allows for it, I could still stand to know him better since it is rare that I meet someone of his standing who is as kind, caring, gentle, and compassionate as he is.

I would never have thought that such a person still exists–a rare combination of beauty and kindness in one package.  It does not escape my mind that perhaps knowing him would serve to inspire me to be a better person.

Topics flow freely like crystal clear water and there are so many things to discuss and talk about, and it is not often that I stop and think to myself, “Now, this is someone that I want to be friends with.”  Because thinking this thought entails actually having the intention of investing time to cultivate a friendship–and this precious time, I do not have an abundant supply of.

However, this is just the beginning of what hopefully can be a beautiful friendship–but of course, all beginnings are usually good and everything remains to be seen as time skillfully unravels the mystery of the connection.

Unlike the connection with the kindred spirit which felt like staring into the mirror image of myself in many ways soul-wise, this particular soul I am referring to in this post is in many ways a complete opposite yet at the same time a perfect complement in many ways and it is with this energy that an interesting synergy is created.

I just wanted to share that it might be possible that I’ve found a friend in the most unlikely of circumstances and with an unusual dynamic–one which is often talked about but not commonly experienced.

And it’s interesting that it comes when I am at a stage of my life that I feel that meaningful connections are few are far between, and if they exist, they are usually fleeting ones.  Only time will tell.

Meanwhile, it’s fun to have “stopped and talked awhile” and here’s to more meaningful conversations and a pleasant and enriching meeting of minds!

(c) Niconica 2011*

*does not apply to images

I like this topic.  Topic #157 from goes like this… Since it’s a series of prompts/question, I’ll put it in Q & A format just to make it interesting.

Describe the first person who broke your heart.

He was in many ways very compatible with me and it was, by teenage standards, a relatively good relationship in the sense that there were few major fights or misunderstandings.  It would have lasted, perhaps, had the timing been better because first major relationships while probably being the most meaningful, rarely last a lifetime–though it would have to be said that his philandering was the ultimate deal breaker for me.

If you could take revenge on them now, would you? 

No, I wouldn’t take revenge since it seems that his current situation in life is enough revenge on him, add to the fact that his philandering temperament would be his own worst curse, since he would be doomed to constantly feel discontent with his current partner, and this might imaginably cause quite a few ups and downs in his relationship.  He is, fortunately and unfortunately, his own worst revenge on himself.

Did you ever think about it [revenge]?

Yes of course, during the fraught years after being cheated on, fantasizing about revenge in many forms–twinned with the contradicting inclination and fervent wish of getting back together with him–was almost necessary to deal with the pain of the betrayal.

It is fortunate that I did not actually indulge in any of these vengeful thoughts, and that time serves as a soothing balm for almost all things.  I actually did get around to forgiving him, and it was good closure to actually be able to talk to him and tell him that I did forgive him and that I’m letting all the emotional baggage go now.

What would you say to them now if you met them on the street?

I’d say, “Hey, how are you?” and proceed to catch up with him since we haven’t spoken in a very long time.  It would be very much like meeting an old friend, which many ways, he is.

(c) Niconica 2011*

*does not apply to image/s

Why is it that communication with some people feels like a constant tug of war?  It’s almost like needing subtitles constantly to get one’s point across and even then, a lot of things get lost in translation.

As much as I’d like to say that communication techniques can be learned and improved upon, there is only as much we can do when the fundamental thought process which create the underlying push and pull are in odds with each other.

These mechanics are unfortunately only revealed through the passage of time and when one harbors the hope of furthering a connection or a relationship, it is disappointing when these mechanics surface.

On one end, more sentimental people might argue that it would be good to try to work on the communication problems and see how it can be improved, but on the other hand, more practical people would say that something that doesn’t work and would take more than necessary effort and time to upkeep is not worth it.

I think that the first argument is feasible when one is in a permanent and legally binding commitment or when there are children involved and/or lives at stake.

However, for the happily single and uncommitted person, the second and more practical option might be the best way to go.

Why bother to go through all the hard yards, the emotional roller coaster rides, and the unwelcome rip tides when one can just cut one’s losses and just let go?  Why needlessly complicate life which does not need one’s help in making it more tangled?

Do you really want to spend your whole life–or at least a significant portion of it translating, explaining, or defending one’s thoughts, words, emotions, or intentions?

Of course, all communications start out good because people are not being themselves yet at the beginning and it takes time for the true dynamics of the relationship to emerge… and when it has, one must seriously consider whether it’s worth the trouble or whether it’s more trouble than it’s worth–and make a choice.  In, or out?

(c) Niconica 2011*

*does not apply to the image/s

With the advent of social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter, among many others… It would not come as much surprise if there comes a day that the very public nature of status updates may start wars.

As much as it can be argued that free press and journalism can be controversial by nature, public social networking and status updates take it to a whole other level of complicated and/or controversial.

To be able to connect more with others via social networking certainly empowers us, however it also tends to embolden us to tend to  think that every other thought we have might be relevant enough to share on cyberspace, which is really mostly not the case.

There are people who are extroverted enough to not mind sharing various aspects of their life with the many via status updates and uploading photos and there are some who balk at the idea, it is at the crosshairs of this penchant for a more public or private cyberspace presence that complications may arise.

Updating one’s status is not a group conversation… in many ways, it has a performer-audience feel to it and there then arises much room for misunderstanding and judgement without the opportunity to clarify to defend one’s position.

As much as one may be comfortable enough within one’s skin to share facets of one’s life with others, it may not be the case with one’s friend who, for reasons entirely their own, might not want other people to know what they discussed nor where they went and what they did.

It is not simply a case of the more private person having something to hide, but perhaps it is just a matter of preference that personal interactions need not be displayed for the public or at least, many, to witness.

This topic then encroaches upon netiquette and there would undoubtedly me as many debates on this as there are daily status updates. However, it might pay to be aware of one’s friend’s threshold of being included, tagged, or referred to in one’s status updates.

It can be surmised though that people who updates their status updates regularly, publicly, and openly have a more extroverted and trusting temperament and might view the world as a safe place for their personal thoughts, information, and ideas to roam freely.

On the other end of the pole, people who deactivate their Wall on Facebook to prevent random and unsolicited posts on them view the world in another manner and it might be that they prefer to keep to themselves and avoid further gossip, entanglements, or complications, and/or that they go by the saying, “Less talk, less mistake.”

As much as that we may all agree to differ, and as much as the right for free speech exists, we must duly remember to consider whether or not our friends, colleagues and loved ones have the same inclination for having a more public internet and/or social networking presence before we casually include them in our posts or status updates.

Applying this much overlooked but necessary courtesy would indeed result in more harmonious relationships, and thereby, via a giant leap, might make the world a better place.

(c) Niconica 2011*

*does not include the images

As much as we don’t want to judge a book by its cover, it happens more often than not.  The cover of the book might not say everything about the book but it does say something about the book, or offers a peek, so to speak, into what the book is about, even if more might lie under the surface.  It is this premise that I bring forward to apply to Facebook profile pictures and what it says about a person.

Not saying something is also a way of saying something.  Keeping the profile photo blank (as the photo above indicates) would say something about the person who chooses to do so.  Putting an inanimate object also says something about the person, as does a cartoon character or a character from a movie/TV show or a book.  Personal photos are also telling in the sense that it makes one wonder why the person chose the particular photo over others.

What has been interesting are the profiles of couples–of people who “are in a relationship with” so and so.  Provided that there is nothing to hide about their relationship, which is probably why they have publicly stated that they are in a relationship, it’s interested how there is usually a difference between how many couple photos they display on their profile images as opposed to solo photos.  It is almost tempting to surmise who is more enamored by whom in the relationship, though it might or might not be accurate, an impression is certainly forms.

There can be an argument in saying that Facebook profile photos can be deceiving–as would a lot of online personas but it would only be 100% deceiving as long as there are only a few very carefully controlled photos up and no photos that other people have tagged or comments on the walls.  Each interaction would invariably lead up to some disclosure of the persona of the Facebook profile owner, and so does each photo they choose to upload as their profile photo or otherwise.

Barring some psychopathic tendency for deception mixed with a very high level of talent for subterfuge, Facebook profile photos are usually telling.  Most people who are private and secretive would either not have a Facebook profile or not be active at all.  In this context, it would be interesting to find and read a study of relationship and/or mental health and Facebook profile photos because just glancing through profile photos, it can be quite telling as to the imbalance of a couple’s relationship or who is more into whom.

This might be painful to hear but each action we do or do not do is a symptom of who we are inside and what our priorities are.  We might not want to admit the truth to this but actions do speak louder than words.  Words often can be more deceiving than actions… and at the risk of being trite, it has to be said that a picture does indeed say a thousand words.

(c) Niconica 2011*

*does not apply to images