Meeting in person was not discussed though we planned on touching base every once in a while to collaborate on our personal projects. Truth be told, were it up to me, I would have wanted to at least keep in touch fairly regularly via SMS, but it was not the case. It’s not necessarily a matter of romantic intention, but more of an inclination to explore the connection for whatever reason, and be able to keep the discussion going.  Were I younger, I would have spent more time than I did on the matter, feeling frustrated, but as it was… I was able to manage to let the feeling of sadness or frustration go each time it came up.

I also felt that it would be more efficient to have met up to discuss the project but at the same time, I felt hesitant to meet up because of the overwhelming awe of meeting such a person whom I had an intensely unique connection with.  I felt that keeping a healthy distance was the best way about this and so it went for a few weeks, and it came to the point when I was seriously questioning whether to proceed with the collaboration.

It was a matter of holding two conflicting emotions in the palm of my hand and assessing what was to be done.  One on hand, there was something which compelled me towards him in the most inexplicable manner; and, on the other hand, there was something which made me feel like staying away because it made me feel vulnerable because it was rare that someone sees me for who I really am–through all the veils of illusion.

It does not have to be further established that I don’t exactly possess wide-eyed naivete with these matters and it is rare that anyone really impresses me in this manner.  It is not a matter of having dazzling wit or stunning good looks–for there are quite a few people who possess these qualities.  It is a matter of having a rare intense connection.

Just when one thinks that one has life figured out, here comes a curve ball… For some reason or another, I decided to get right to the heart of the matter and focus on practically and efficiency and thus proposed a meet-up, half expecting that the meet-up would not push through or be declined.  It wasn’t the case.  We did meet up and it was a continuation of our compelling encounter before…

Conversation spilled forth like fine wine, reminiscent of the conversations in Before Sunset.  It was then I witnessed one of those rare smiles which reached his eyes–and my heart. It was an uncomfortable feeling.  I don’t like feeling anything more than I need to or want to, and this encounter was nudging the hidden corners of my heart via an unprecedented mental connection.

It’s both amazing and almost unbelievable when we actually talk to someone who gets exactly when we mean–without further elaboration.

(c) Niconica 2011*

*does not apply to image/s

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