I have recently had the opportunity to witness how sheer emotional pain can drive someone to the heights of fearless foolhardiness. Don’t get me wrong–fearless people are to be admired when accompanied by sound sensibility, but without a good measure of discernment… it’s merely a megadose of foolhardiness which may initially misrepresents itself as fearlessness.
What is worse is that the person exhibiting rash recklessness does not care about the consequences or the pain that they inflict on others, indeed it might be construed that they unconsciously or subconsciously want to spread the pain around since they cannot seem to hold it in anymore and are practically bursting at the seams with misery and anguish.
Trying to get in their way or talking sense into them would be about as safe as jumping into an enclosure with a raging bull, and would count as too much trouble for the wounds that one may be left with after the well-intentioned discussion. It does not help that misery loves company and one would seek the company of enablers of impetuous behavior.
It’s like witnessing a natural disaster in slow motion, and one can only shake one’s head at the sheer waste of goodness within a person who used to be capable of it, and at the fact that painful experiences (i.e. break-ups) leaves a trail of disaster at its wake. What is ironic is that the person is so deeply hurt and angry inside and fiercely trying to contain the pain while at the same time denying vulnerability that one cannot help but ‘act out’ in what one might construe as ‘fearless’ behavior and the vehemence of this conviction would scare off anyone who would dare to say otherwise.
What escapes such a person is that being fearless and decidedly reckless are not the same thing, and that being foolhardy is not something to flaunt. What escapes such a person is that being fearless might actually be doing what one might more fear in the aftermath of an horrible break-up which entails looking at the hurt, pain, and anguish straight in the eye and not trying to exaggerate, to skew, to deny, or to discount it and eventually coming to the realization that being betrayed is not a testament to one’s worth (or more specifically, worthlessness).
Being betrayed (or to be more specific, cheated on) does not make one worthy of abandonment, unworthy of love, and hence a total failure. It simply means that shit has happened for whatever reason it has and delving into the rhyme and the reason of it all would just drive one to madness (or in this case, foolhardiness, which might not be all too different). It simply means that the cheater has put themselves in the list of people who are unworthy of our company, time, efforts, or emotions.
To spend all the time trying to “get back” at them, while undoubtedly having some childish satisfaction attached to it, is a further waste of one’s time. Giving them more time, credit, or importance would be tantamount to breaking off more pieces of our “heart” or soul–the ones that were left after they’ve torn it to shreds.
After break-ups and emotional torment, we must learn to draw the line between fearless and foolhardy. Being fearless does not mean one runs from fear and pain, but in fact, requires the strength to admit one’s vulnerability and to face the truth, instead of running and hiding from stark reality, which constitutes foolhardiness–reckless irresponsibility which does not only damage oneself but other innocent people as well.
At the risk of sounding trite, I’d like to say: Break-ups are painful enough… there is no more need to further pass the pain around in any disguised way, shape, or form.**
(c) Niconica 2011*
*does not apply to image/s
**If the pain is too much to handle or face alone, there is no shame in seeking help from qualified therapists to contain the damage.