Archives for the month of: April, 2010

Have you ever felt cheated by your memories?  During different moments, they can be elusive, ever changing, and selective.

Whenever we look back at the fabric of our past, it seems to glitter, change, and transform into different colors – and when we choose to focus on a certain hue, it might almost change our perception of reality altogether.

It is an utter conundrum – our memories can be cruel or kind. When taken together, it’s a jumbled and tangled mass, which when unravelled would seem to almost be an utter illusion.  This makes me think that we should not take our memories, or the past, too seriously.

In saying that, it does not mean that amnesia is recommended – for we know all too well that if we do not learn the lessons of the past, we might be doomed to repeat them again.

However, if at times we are tempted to dip into the well of our recollections, we should be able to let go once the cup is empty so that we allow ourselves to remember something else next time – and be able to detach from it once again in order to be able to come back and live in the present.

We do not want to be haunted by memories, do we?  No  matter how beautiful or how horrible they are, they have gone.

Let us allow the memories to waft through us like a poignant scent, stream through us like flowing water or brush past us like a gust of wind, then continue to firmly have our feet in the present, resolutely walking forward, without letting ourselves be altered or confused by nostalgia or resentment.

Be here.  Right here.  Right now.  So that you will be able to make new memories, instead of simply just looking back at the old ones.

(c) Niconica 2010

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The more we think about it, the more it irks us.  What am I going on about?  I’m referring to the senseless random things that go wrong in our lives.  The more we think about it the more frustrated we feel.  The more we try to find a reason for the madness of it all, the more agitated we become.

Let me assure you at this point – all the struggle is futile.  What use is it to sit in the darkness and rave and rant, brood and sulk, when all these efforts will be to no avail.  What use is all the useless anguish, when it is just as possible (and maybe not as easy) to stand up, leave the darkness and walk to the light – without trying to make sense of what we leave behind.

There will be a thousand and one reasons why things did not turn out as it should have or could have.  There are a million and one possibilities as to why it happened, and since omniscience evades us, it is unlikely that we would find out why.

Nevertheless, not knowing how or why the cookie crumbled is not a good enough excuse to sit there in tormented stagnation waiting for the proverbial answer to fall from the sky.

Realistically, if you did know the underlying reason would it really make you feel better?  It does not detract from the fact that it cannot change the event.  Only you can change.  And it is time.

Stand up, flick off the dust of the past, and move forward – move into the light.  It is not as easy as it sounds.  You are just as welcome to stay in the darkness for as long as it pleases you.

However, when you are ready to let the darkness take care of itself, the first step into the light is through none other than forgiveness – forgiving ourselves and others.

Forgiveness, as difficult, as challenging, and as impossible as it may sound, allows us a purging, a letting go like no other.  It is time.  Do you pick the darkness over yourself – over your redemption?  Take the first step.  At least, try.

(c) Niconica 2010

Softly gently

Love begins with you

Suddenly, suddenly

It’s all so true

Pitter patter

Tears begin to fall

Achingly, achingly

Longing for you

Perhaps it wasn’t right

That night you held me tight

Perhaps it was a risk

That night you gave a kiss

Perhaps it was the moon

Come and gone too soon

Perhaps it was a dream

Nothing is as it seems

(c) Niconica 2010

What if we waited till the break of day

To watch what has come and gone away

What if we held on till the brink of dawn

To salute what has come undone

Somehow seeing in the dark

It is not all grave and stark

Somehow fleeing from the shore

It is not all aching to the core

A few tears less from my face

Counting the fears left in this space

A few years sober from your love

Counting the stars still shining above

(c) Niconica 2010